Page 43 of Songs for Libby

CHAPTER TWELVE

The next day, I tried to un-Sean my life.

Part of that involved blocking and then deleting Sean’s and Randy’s contact information. It involved taking the credit card I used for Sean-related travel and cutting it up. I even managed to do it without crying, which was an improvement. I was so tired of crying.

It was tempting to run back to Jonas right away, but I didn’t. I didn’t call him that first day. My heart was too broken for that. It took time to put myself back together enough that I felt human again.

Naomi called me as I was putting away newspaper clippings and other mementos of his success I had collected over the years. I wouldn’t throw it away, but I needed it out of sight.

“Hey,” I answered.

“Hey. How are you holding up? Is Sean all right?”

I breathed deep and blew it out. “I don’t know.”

“You can’t talk about it?”

“Actually, I really don’t know. I’ve”—I cleared the emotion from my throat—”I’ve removed myself from the situation.” My voice tapered off at the end, turning into a whisper.

Silence reigned for several moments, and then, “Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“Have lunch with me?”

“Yes.” Maybe if I downloaded on her, I could let go of some of the baggage that clung to me.

Since Naomi had confessed the identity of her father, she invited me to her house. No need to sit in a public restaurant and discuss information that reporters would be salivating over.

Naomi lived in a gated neighborhood, but other than that, it was a fairly regular suburban house.

When she opened the door, it was with open arms. She gave me a huge hug and then ushered me into the dining room where lunch was already laid out. I suspected a professional cook lingered somewhere in the house, but I didn’t ask.

“All right,” Naomi said before I even had my butt in my chair. “Tell me everything.”

My shoulders slumped as I sat there, turning up my hands in defeat. “I couldn’t do it anymore. I was in the middle of an idyllic evening with Jonas, and I ran out in the middle of it. I was there in that hospital for Sean, and he didn’t even know it, because he was unconscious. Maybe he’s still unconscious, I don’t know.” I swallowed with difficulty. “But I just…can’t.”

She gave me a sad smile. “That’s going to be hard for you.”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

“Do you think you can stay away?”

“I have to.”

She tilted her head just a little. “Why?” It wasn’t an argumentative why, just a curious one.

“Because I was giving him everything. And he gave me nothing.” I hated those words. I felt like they weren’t true. I could have given many examples of how he had saved me, been a friend, held me up. And yet… “At least, not for a very long time.”

Naomi didn’t respond. She just waited for me to go on.

“I still love him,” I said, almost as a last-ditch effort to justify what I’d done. “And I’m still proud of what he’s accomplished. And—”

“Libby,” she interrupted me. “You know you don’t have to convince me, right?”

I pulled my lips to one side as I blinked back the tears. “I think I’m trying to convince me,” I admitted.

“Give it time. You’ll get there.”