Page 38 of Life Or Death

LUCIFER

It’s amazing how many things you can learn about a person when you share a meal with them, and they let their guard down, exposing themselves in the most natural way. I learned a lot about Jess, starting with her love for pickles.

When I suggested I grab takeout from the barbecue place near the hospital, I asked if there was anything she particularly wanted. Still, instead of giving me her order, she told me she wasn’t a picky eater and that I should surprise her.

So, of course, I ordered two of everything, and while I attacked the brisket, she chowed down on both orders of fried pickles. I was taken aback by how much satisfaction I got from watching her enjoy her food, and I feared feeding her would become my new obsession.

But the pickles were just the start.

After we finished our food, I discovered Jess also had a fondness for Wheel of Fortune. I, myself, was more of a Family Feud guy, but there was something to be said about watching Jess shout out letters to the TV. She was better than all three of the contestants, and when I called her out on it, she revealed another fact.

“When I was a kid, I loved puzzles. Crosswords and word searches were my favorite. I had an aunt who would sometimes watch me, and she always took me to the dollar store to buy word search books. We’d make a game of it. She’d do one puzzle, and I another, and whoever found all the words on their puzzle first won.”

“You had an aunt who did word search puzzles with you, and I had an uncle who took me to his yard and taught me how to shoot a can. We’re very different people.”

“I can solve a puzzle in less than a minute.”

“I can fire a shot and put a bullet between someone’s eyes in less than thirty seconds,” I returned, instantly regretting the admission. The girl already saw me as a fucking monster—there was no need to list my sins.

“My aunt and your uncle would be so proud of us.”

The tension left, and I laughed. That’s when I learned Jess had a dark sense of humor.

Sandy came in a little while later to say goodbye, and when she left, things got quiet. Part of me wondered if that was because nightfall was coming, and we both knew the nightmares weren’t far behind.

I noticed then, too, that she was losing steam. Her eyelids grew heavy, and she yawned a few times.

“You should get some rest,” I said as I started to collect the takeout containers. “I’ll get out of your hair.”

Jess’s eyes darted to the clock on the wall. “Will you come back in the middle of the night?”

The two o’clock hour, when her nightmares tended to come, was over six hours away. If I left now, it would still take me two plus hours to travel back and forth, which gave me four hours to myself. I thought about all the things I could do with that time—things with the club that needed my attention. Truth be told, I was neglecting a lot of my responsibilities.

I could also get laid. Finding a saddle bunny to fuck for a couple of hours wouldn’t be hard, and Lord knows, I was overdue.

But none of those things seemed appealing to me, which was a real fucking problem, considering I couldn’t remember the last time I got off.

“Or you could just stay,” Jess said, averting my attention back to her. She was no longer staring at the clock. Instead, those pretty eyes of hers were watching me mull over her suggestion. “I mean, if you want. I’ll probably fall asleep, and I’m sure there are other things you prefer to be doing than sitting in that chair. I just . . . forget it. It was a stupid idea.”

It wasn’t a stupid idea, but it was a fucking dangerous one because if she only knew the things I wanted, she wouldn’t have suggested I stay.

“Thanks for dinner,” she quickly added, forcing a smile. “It was the best meal I’ve had in two months.”

“I’ll stay.”

Surprise flickered across her face. “Are you sure? I don’t⁠—”

“I’m sure. I’m just going to get rid of our garbage and run down to the cafeteria to get some coffee. You want anything? I can try to see if there’s any chocolate pudding floating around.”

That earned me a flash of her smile, and the sight made me feel victorious.

“No, I’m good. Thanks.”

I nodded and headed out of her room. When I returned with the coffee, Jess was sound asleep. I watched her for a good while, until my mind ran away from me and I started to imagine how it would feel to lie beside her in bed. How it would feel to wake up in the middle of the night and reach for her. I didn’t sleep with women. I fucked them and sent them on their way, but I really wanted to sleep with my wife. I wanted her to be the last thing I saw when I closed my eyes, and the first thing I saw when I opened them again the next morning.

So, that’s what I did. I stared at her until I fell asleep in the chair, and when she woke in the middle of the night, haunted by another nightmare, I held her hand and counted with her until she fell back asleep.

Before I left, I went down to the gift shop and grabbed a word search book. She was still sleeping when I made my way back to her room, so I left the book on the rolling table beside her bed.