Page 38 of Craving Sin

Maybe. Maybe not. In reality, it doesn’t matter.

I help Rian slide one arm into the shirt, then the other, before I begin buttoning it. “Does your son…”

“I didn’t do that with him. Not in the same way. I already told you I’m a bad father. I’m not trying to say otherwise, but I didn’t do that with him. He’s never had to do anything until he was ready.”

Anger shoots through me, making me jerk away. “When he was ready? How the fuck can he ever be ready for that? He was a child, Rian. And you’re his father! It was your job to protect him, to make sure he had things better than you did! That he is better than you.”

“You don’t think I fucking know that!” he shouts, the anger in his voice palpable, but that’s not the only thing that’s there. It’s impossible to miss how it’s fused with pain. “I told you who I am. I told you not to romanticize me. I am the leader of a crime family. I kill people, and yes, my son has followed in my footsteps. There was a part of me that was proud of that…and there still is. We come from different worlds, Abbott. Stop trying to pretend that I’ve ever known how to live by the rules of yours. All it will do is disappoint you.”

He’s right. I keep hoping that he will surprise me, that I’ll realize none of these horrible things about him are true. Why though? Why do I care? Because you feel a connection to him, and if there’s a connection to someone who is this bad, what does it say about you?

Rian continues, cutting off my thoughts. “And he is better than me, even if you’ll never see it. Even if you can’t look past the things he has done. He would have chosen Ollie in a way I never did with Moira. He would have walked away from it all for Ollie, and I never gave her that.”

Moira. That must be his wife. He’s said that name numerous times in his sleep over the past few days.

He’s talked about her…told her he loved her. His friend held a gun to my head and told me never to repeat anything Rian had said, but the only thing he’d talked about was her…Moira, love, and something about tingling.

He’s breathing heavily, brows pinched in pain that I have a feeling is both physical and emotional.

I should turn away from him in disgust. I shouldn’t go for a walk with him, and we should spend our days here in silence, in our own worlds, but instead, I ask, “Why are you sharing this with me?”

“Why are you listening? And asking?”

That’s something else I don’t know, and I have a feeling he doesn’t either. As much as I’m not acting the way I would expect with him, Rian isn’t with me either. Rian is being different with me. Conan made that obvious.

“Exactly,” Rian says. Neither of us needs to use the words to know we’re on the same page.

I’m intrigued by him in a way I shouldn’t be.

And he’s the same with me.

“Come on. Let’s get this sling back on you.” That’s a much safer topic, one that makes more sense than whatever else the rest of it is.

Rian doesn’t argue with me as I put his sling on.

He sits on the bed, gun on his thigh, while I go into the bathroom and change as well, leaving the door cracked open.

Rian doesn’t allow me to help him with his shoes. I guess he’s had enough assistance for now. God forbid someone needs support. And then he’s turning off the house alarm, holding the door open, and signaling for me to go outside.

I do, the fresh air immediately warm and welcoming on my skin.

“This is the first time I’ve been outside since…”

“Since you tried to escape?” He smirks in this light, fun way that he’s shown glimpses of. Who is this man? There are so many layers to him, more than just the one I saw that first day he took me.

Kidnapped me.

I need to remember that.

“Yes. Since then.” I watch him as the two of us go down the porch steps.

“I’m not going to fall,” he says.

“That’s not what I’m waiting for. Where is the lecture? Don’t try to run, don’t scream, I have a gun, blah blah blah.”

“You’re not stupid. You know what’s at risk. I don’t have to keep reminding you.”

Truth. And I’m not foolish enough not to know he could pull the gun from his waistband before I had the chance to get away anyway. And bringing someone else into it would only ensure they were killed too, and I would never do that. “Well, shit. Put some eggs and toast in you, and you’re suddenly much more agreeable.”