Page 56 of Craving Sin

“Fuck me, Rian,” he orders, and I push back into him, taking him hard and fast, savoring this solace I have found in his body, found in him.

I don’t want to hurt you.

I’m going to kill him, but he doesn’t want to hurt me.

I’m blinded with desire, see and feel nothing but him. My chest is tight, but it has nothing to do with my gunshot wound. No, it’s what he’s doing to me, the ways this man fills me up, giving me access to the body I don’t deserve.

I don’t want to hurt you.

How am I supposed to do this? I’m going to hate myself for this. I don’t know if I’ll ever recover.

I pull him up so his back is against my chest, dick still firmly lodged in the tightest hole I’ve ever been inside of.

I pump my hips slowly, wrap my arms around him, feel and smell the sweat on his skin, and want to lick up every drop of it.

“God, it’s never…why is it so good?”

My hips stutter, losing rhythm for a moment. I don’t ever want this to end, but maybe this is what I deserve—to finally want again, only to lose him.

“Jerk me off. I’m almost there.”

I spit in my hand and wrap it around him, the feel of his body wiping away all other thoughts but him and this moment.

I fuck him as hard as I can, make the bed hit the wall, feel it when his ass clenches, hear nothing but my name on his lips when he shouts. I smile at the hot slick of cum sliding between my fingers, and then I’m following him down, losing myself—no, not losing, giving myself to him as my balls draw up and I fill him with every drop that I promised him, wondering what will be left of me when he’s gone.

CHAPTER TWENTY

Abbott

“I like knowing you’re inside of me,” I tell Rian as we lie in bed together, skin tacky with sweat and my cum.

“I like knowing I’m in you.” His hand slides down my back to my ass, fingers slipping between my cheeks. “Can I?”

“Yes. I’m tender, so be careful, though.”

“Then I won’t.” Rian tries to pull away, but I don’t let him, grabbing his wrist and moving his hand to my ass again. I want him to touch me, want him inside of me, even more so because it’s clear how much he doesn’t want to hurt me.

Rian does terrible things.

He will do something terrible to me.

Yet, at the same time, he’s so gentle with me, so loving and caring, always worried about my comfort and wanting to take care of me. I’ve never had someone in my life like that before—not someone I’ve let see all the parts of me the way I have him. Even when I was with Hector, I held myself back, didn’t let myself get too close for fear of getting hurt. I understand why Hector couldn’t be with me anymore, even if I’ll never condone the cheating.

“Okay. Tell me if it’s too much.” He pushes a finger in my ass, which makes my body relax into his. I lift one leg, throwing it over him, my head on his chest while he gently plays with my well-fucked hole and just…holds me.

I don’t know where it comes from. It’s like my birthday when I called my dad and said the things to him that I had. I just can’t keep it inside of me anymore.

“My father used to cheat on my mom,” I admit. “God, the women, Rian. There were so many of them—all of them very young…inappropriately young. I saw him when I was just a kid, first at five and then at nine. In the beginning, I didn’t understand what was going on, and after I did, when I kept my mouth shut and didn’t tell her, he didn’t try to hide it as much around me. He knew that just like everyone else, I would do what he said. She deserved better than both of us.”

He pulls back slightly so he can look me in the eyes again. “She deserved better than him, yes, but not better than you. Christ, Abbott. You were a child. That burden should never have been put on you. What were you supposed to do?”

“Tell her,” I say. “He said I would hurt her, that she knew, and they had an agreement, but it would break her heart if she found out I knew. That me talking to her about it would change everything, and I was so scared of my life changing that I kept it to myself.”

“No. You were afraid of hurting your mom. And you trusted your father. And again, you were a fucking child. None of that was your fault.”

He says that, but it’s not easy to believe him, not easy to forgive myself, especially when I know what kind of man my father is. “Maybe it would have changed things if I’d said something…maybe she would still be alive. Maybe he wouldn’t be the most powerful man in the state. He’s not who people think he is.”

Rian slides his finger out of me and cups my ass before leaning in to press his lips to mine. “Was he ever good to you?”