Page 90 of Craving Sin

“I get that, but it’s important to me that you don’t look at me like someone who needs saving. It’s hot that you want to save me…to protect me. But we need to be on equal footing.”

“We are,” I say. “But I’ll try and be better.” I have to, if I want this to work. I know what Abbott is sacrificing, what he’s risking to be with me. He’s a surgeon. What if being connected to me ruins that for him? What if his dream is taken away because of me?

“You’re deep in thought again,” he says. “We both know what it means to be together. I’m in, remember?”

How can I forget? “I’m in too.”

My phone rings, interrupting us. I look and see it’s Conan. He wouldn’t call unless he needed to. “It’s Conan,” I say, halfway standing, before sitting back down again. Keeping my voice low, I answer the call. “Yeah?”

He fills me in on a situation at Paradise—someone trying to sell drugs in our club. “Flynn has him now,” he says.

I watch Abbott, who’s watching me, not flinching away from what he has to know isn’t a good conversation. “You know how to take care of the problem. You have my permission.”

“Gotcha. We’ll deal with it. I wasn’t sure if you’d want to come…”

Before Abbott, I would have. I would have interrupted my meal because I always had something to prove; I couldn’t be the guy who stayed back. I won’t let that be me anymore, determined to find a balance. “I’m good. Thanks for checking in, C.”

“Everything okay?” Abbott asks when I end the call.

“Everything is great. How about dessert?”

“Sounds good to me.”

When we’re done, and the meal has been paid for, I stand and take his hand, walking out of the restaurant with him—making a statement, yes, but also just proud of the man on my arm.

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

Abbott

Rian left early this morning for business.

I don’t know exactly what that means. Legitimate business or not?

I work out and then shower before just walking around the house without anything to do. I’m bored. There’s no denying that. I miss being at work, taking care of patients, but I’m also in this weird place where I don’t know how to do that anymore. I wasn’t lying the other night at dinner when I told Rian I don’t want to lose myself in it again, that it’s hard for me to feel important outside of being able to fix people, and that’s not enough for me now.

I want more. I just don’t know what, and at thirty-eight, I should probably have that answer.

Conan is downstairs in the kitchen. If Rian is gone, he always leaves someone here with me as though a gang of masked murderers is going to break into his house to kill me. It’s ridiculous…but also sweet in a very Rian way. We’re going to eventually have to find a way around this though, because I’m not going to live my life locked in his house like Rapunzel, or with bodyguards everywhere I go.

“Good morning,” I say to Conan.

“I made coffee.” He nods toward the pot. He and I have been on better terms since the day Rian left me with him when he went to speak to Cillian.

I head over and pour a cup. “So…what are our plans today? Anything exciting?”

Conan chuckles. “You’re bored?”

“Out of my fucking mind.”

“Rian said you’re helping with the music stuff.” Conan knowing that is news to me. I didn’t realize Rian had shared it with anyone other than Cillian.

“I am, but there’s only so much I can do from here and…”

“And you want something that’s your own?” he asks.

“Yeah,” I say. “I’m not used to this. Between college, medical school, residency, and then practicing, all I’ve done is be on the go, and now I’m in this weird place where I miss it, but I don’t feel like the same person, so I’m not sure how to go back to it.”

He nods, then takes a sip of his coffee. “What do you like?”