Page 22 of Loverboy

I lit up a cigarette by the car, leaning against it, watching as the door closed behind him. A few minutes later, he emerged with his nightstand. It was pretty small, so I assumed he figured it would fit snugly between the bed and the wall in the storage room.

Jasper crammed it in on top of the mattress, closing the trunk and brushing his hands off on his jeans. He seemed pleased with what we were able to fit in the SUV. I was, too. The fewer trips we had to make over here, the better.

“See? In and out. You’re fine,” he assured, patting my shoulder.

“Thanks.” I cleared my throat.

I was grateful that he cut the reunion with Mom short by making it seem like he was in a hurry. I knew he didn’t have to leave for a few hours. But saying thank you didn’t come easily to me, especially not with him.

We weren’t vulnerable together.

Not like this.

“You ready to go?” He looked over at me like he was inspecting precious cargo.

The muscles in my jaw tensed. I wasn’t ready to go yet because after we dropped his stuff off and he left for work, I’d be alone again. And when he returned, I’d still be alone. The bed meant he wouldn’t sit on the floor next to me.

It was childish, but I couldn’t help it. I was scared of having no one next to me, scared of the dark and the things my brain convinced me lurked inside it.

“Yep,” I said listlessly, filing away my rising panic for later.

“Get in the car. I’ll say bye to Mom, so you don’t have to go back inside,” he offered.

I took him up on that, crushing my finished cigarette under my boot and climbing into the passenger seat. I leaned my head against the window and closed my eyes, letting my thoughts swallow me.

He was too fucking good to me.

10

Milo

THE REST OF the day was good. Too good. The bed and nightstand fit perfectly in the storage closet, and that alone felt suspicious. Things never went that smoothly, at least, never for me.

I buzzed with energy all afternoon, practically bouncing around the apartment, driven by a sense of purpose I hadn’t felt in over a week. But there was no way for me to properly enjoy it with the knowledge that every high was always followed by a low just as intense. I didn’t know how long I had to feel this good.

With my limited burst of energy, I cleaned—probably more than I ever had in my entire life. There were two reasons for it. One, I wanted Jasper to want to be there with me. And two, like every bad breakup, this one left scars. I didn’t choose what stuck. I’d toss a dirty shirt on the floor, and panic would hit me. I was messy, and she’d hated it. That could only mean one thing.

If I were too messy, my brother would leave too.

I wasn’t sure how long I’d been at it. Burnout crept in around the edges as I hunched over the sink, scrubbing dishes with enough force that it was a miracle I hadn’t shattered one yet.

“Make sure you eat something.” Jasper gripped my biceps from behind, squeezing. “Anything. I don’t care if it’s a box of crackers.”

The way he doted on me was almost enough to make me forget that he was leaving. He’d always scolded me, but the frequency and the seriousness had increased tenfold. I knew it was because I’d been bad and tried to leave him behind, but the not-so-subtle ways he was fighting for me now had me floating.

“I know,” I mumbled.

“I’ll be back before you know it. Play some video games. Maybe Oliver will be on tonight and can play with you.” There was a hint of bitterness there.

“Okay,” I agreed quietly, the lie heavy on my tongue.

“No hurting yourself, or I’ll kick your ass.”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time.” I struggled to fight off a grin.

Jasper pulled his shoes on with a dramatic sigh, and reality quickly settled in. I was about to be alone all night long for the first time since my attempt. Last time, there were only a few hours between Oliver leaving and Jasper showing up, and this time, there would be no one to save me from myself.

“I mean it. Be good, Milo.” He patted my head and ruffled my hair. My heart sank.