Page 139 of When We Were Young

“You’re not drinking tonight?”

“No. I’ve given it up. At least for a while.”

To say that news delights me is an understatement.

“Okay, that’s... healthy.”

I’m walking a fine line here, not wanting to prevent him from continuing to participate in this conversation, but also really curious. The entire last year, Hayden has relied heavily on alcohol to numb his grief over Charlie’s leaving.

He chuckles at my response. “Yeah, it’s healthy. I think both physically and psychologically. I’m sure my liver is pleased.” He glances over at me. “I’ve spent a year medicating myself with alcohol. I think it’s the only way I got through some of the days since it happened.”

He doesn’t have to tell me what he’s referring to. I know what he’s talking about without him saying Charlie’s name.

“Well, I’m absolutely thrilled that you’re making this change. Did something happen to spark it?”

“Not really. At least not one thing.”

We sit in silence for a few seconds, then Hayden glances over at me.

“Can I tell you something?”

“Of course.”

“And I want you to be one hundred percent honest with me if you think it’s a bad idea. Don’t be afraid to upset me. Just tell it like it is.”

“Um, now you’re making me a little nervous.”

“No, don’t be.” He shakes his head. “I… I, uh, I put in an application to participate in the mentoring program you do. I want to see about spending time with Ethan.”

My mouth opens, but no words come out. I’m stunned. The mentoring program has never been something he’s been interested in when I’ve asked my brothers before.

“I think that’s fabulous.” I watch the tension leave his face. “Those boys would be lucky to have you.”

“Are you sure? Because I don’t want to mess any kids up.”

I tilt my head and look at him. Hayden is truly a great guy. The kind of man you want around: steady, smart, and upstanding. Sure, he’s been crabby and down for a long time now, but that’s not who he is at his core.

“Hayden, you’re my twin. You’ve been my best friend since we were born, and I know you better than anyone. Well, except maybe⁠—”

“You can say it. Except maybe Charlie,” he says. His voice cracks when he says her name.

“Yeah. Sorry.”

“It’s all right. I’d venture to say there are parts of me you know better than she did, and other parts she probably knew better than you.”

“Regardless, you’re an excellent man. You’d make a great role model.”

He glances down at his lap, staring at the can in his hand, then peers up at me. “You’re not just bullshitting me because I’m your twin?” he asks.

“No. I wouldn’t do that, especially with something as important as this. I think this is awesome.”

He opens his mouth to say something else when a ruckus at the door grabs our attention.

Henry and Harrison walk in carrying Chinese takeout.

“We can catch up on this later,” Hayden tells me.

Harrison slips off his jacket and glances over at us, then back at Henry.