Page 21 of When We Were Young

It’s so much more than okay, but I’m scared to tell him that. Here’s a man who sees other people and tries to make their lives better, not just looks through them or past them. I’m feeling like I’m on the emotional edge, and it wouldn’t take much to push me over it.

“That’s it?” he asks. “Okay?”

My frustration escalates, and I’m on the precipice of losing control of my words, my emotions. And that terrifies me.

He watches me closely, and it’s too intense.

“Yes, that’s it. God, I’m sorry I reacted without letting you explain first. I’m sorry that you totally throw me off kilter!” My eyes burn with tears that I’m so close to letting go. Guess I fell over the edge faster than I expected. I try to soften my tone. “I’m sorry that I felt jealous when I thought you were with someone else! But imagine you like a girl so much that it terrifies you⁠—”

“All right. It’s okay.” He tosses up his hands, as if he thinks that can stop me now that I’m tumbling down the rocky path of unrestrained emotions over the top of the cliff.

“It terrifies you because you wish it could be more, but it can’t. You really want to kiss her, but you’re afraid of that, too. And⁠—”

He reaches over, grips the strap of my bag, then pulls it off my arm and places it on the floor next to his. It’s enough to slow my spiral.

“What are you doing?” I ask, my voice filled with suspicion.

He moves closer to me, peering into my eyes. I take a step back, and he matches it with a step forward. We continue this dance until my back is against the wall.

“Holden?” I whisper.

He says nothing at first but brushes the pad of his thumb along my cheek with a tenderness I’ve never experienced before. My breathing picks up.

“I do,” he says.

“You do what?” I’m confused and struggle to keep my thoughts straight with him this close to me.

“I do like a girl—you, in case you’re not sure—so much it terrifies me, and God, I want it to be more. I want it to be everything. So, if your being uncertain about how I feel is the reason you think it can’t be, then let me ease that worry. Because I really want it, too. Why wouldn’t I? You’re spectacular, smart, and stunning. You’re everything.”

“I, uh…”

“So, tell me now, did you mean it?” he asks. “Did you really mean that you want me to kiss you?”

Jesus, the way he’s speaking and looking at me. The way he’s touching me still with that thumb on my cheek has me about ready to lose the ounce of control I have left.

I should say no. It would be the prudent thing to do.

I bite my lower lip and nod. “Yes, I meant it,” I whisper, not tearing my eyes from his.

His pupils dilate, and his hand nearest my face slides into my hair while his other hand simultaneously moves to my waist. He holds my gaze as he moves toward me. I tremble with anticipation, and when his lips finally press against mine, a whimper escapes me. The rumbling groan that he emits afterward is nearly my undoing.

I open my mouth tentatively, not sure if he wants to take the kiss deeper. He leaves me with no doubt as his tongue enters my mouth, tangling with mine, and we fit perfectly together. With his hand in my hair, he guides the movement of my head to deepen the kiss. Now, it’s no whimper that comes from me but a moan of pleasure. He pushes his body closer to me and squeezes my waist in response.

I have never been kissed like this before. Never craved getting closer to someone as I’m dying to get to him. I’m not sure how much time has passed, but I could spend the entire night here kissing him, and it still wouldn’t feel like enough.

Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen because we’re interrupted by one of my damn alarms. Probably my warning alarm that it’s fifteen minutes until I should be in bed. I fumble and swipe at my wrist to silence it, but by the time I manage to, it’s too late. He pulls back from the kiss and rests his forehead against mine.

“It can be more.” He says it like a promise, but he doesn’t know why I’m nearly positive it can’t be. “It will be.”

He tugs me toward him and spins us so his back is against the wall, and my head rests on his chest while he wraps his arms around me and holds me tight.

With a kiss on top of my head, he whispers into my hair. “It already is.”

Chapter Nine

Holden

Iwonder how long it takes to fall in love? If what I’m feeling for Lizette is love, then the answer is not long at all. Just weeks of late nights, sitting on the library floor, surrounded by books, sharing details about our lives, and getting to know each other in the stacks.