Page 25 of When We Were Young

Lizzie

“Have you ever been in love?”

Holden's words shock me. He’s not usually so outright bold. Every muscle in my body tenses.

“What? Wow. First time I see you in four days, and you’re coming right out of the gate with that one, huh?” I attempt to make my voice light and teasing, but inside, I’m anything but.

Maybe he’ll let it go if I don’t acknowledge it any further. I glance over at him after a few seconds, and he lifts one brow, clearly waiting for an answer.

“Have you?” I ask. There you go—turn it back around on him. Maybe he’ll get uncomfortable with this line of questioning and stop.

“I thought I was once, but I’m pretty sure now I wasn’t.”

The way his eyes peer into mine unsettles me.

Ugh.

Now my curiosity takes charge, and I can’t bring myself to change the subject.

“What does that mean?” My words come out softer and more serious this time.

“I’ve only—well, this is going to be hard for you to believe, as smooth as I am,” he says, a playful grin teasing at the corner of his mouth, “but I’ve only had one girlfriend—the one I told you about.”

I try not to react, but I am surprised. I quickly adjust my expression so it doesn’t betray my intrigue, but his low chuckle tells me he noticed.

“Okay, you’ve got my attention. Tell me more.”

I pull a handful of gummy bears from our shared bag and pop a white one, my favorite, into my mouth as I wait for him to continue.

“Well, she was a girl who moved into our neighborhood when I was in third grade. I didn’t realize I was supposed to think girls were gross, so I made friends with her. That’s all it was for a long time. I thought we were best friends, but...”

He glances down at his sweatpants and twists the fabric between his fingers for a few seconds. Almost as if he realizes he’s doing it, he stops and looks back up at me.

“I was wrong.” His words come out atypically steady for him. Not monotone, but almost so. Still, there’s a hint of sadness in his eyes that bothers me.

He clears his throat and continues.

“We started dating when we were freshmen in high school. Our mothers were friends. Everyone, including me, thought we’d be that adorable couple. Friends to more to forever.” He sighs. “We were all very wrong.”

He goes quiet for a few seconds, and as I’m about to ask if there’s more, he leans his head back against the bookshelf and closes his eyes.

“So, we dated until February of our junior year, when she broke up with me. She’d been acting off for a month or two, but it still blindsided me when she ended things.”

“I’m sorry that happened to you.” My words are hushed.

I hate that someone hurt him like that, and to be fair, I also hate that he cared enough about her to be vulnerable. It occurs to me, I’m oddly jealous he shared something that intense with someone else, and I shove the thought away. I remind myself for the thousandth time that I can’t afford to go down that path.

He shrugs but says nothing, still resting with his eyes closed.

“Did she say why?”

Holden opens his eyes and turns his head in my direction, though it still rests against the bookshelf.

“After all that time and years of friendship...” He pauses and looks away. “She said I didn’t have what she was looking for. That I wasn’t fun enough... and that I was too into her. She said I cared too much, and she wanted the freedom to date other people.”

He sits upright and twists his body so he’s sitting directly across from me, close enough that if we both leaned in, we could kiss.

“Your turn.”