Page 34 of When We Were Young

“You can’t fix it!” The words come out louder than I intended.

I realize I’ve been gone a while, between waiting for the bathroom and hiding out here. Landon is probably getting impatient.

“I have to go.”

He steps closer. There’s barely a foot and a half between us.

My heart pounds in my chest. I bite my lower lip, then immediately stop when pain flares. The stress sore is back.

I don’t want to hurt him any more than I already have. But if I’m going to set him free, I think causing him pain might be necessary.

“Look, Holden, I don’t know what you thought was happening, but I was... I was just having fun. And I’m sorry if I misled you, but Landon is who I want to be with. He’s...” I trail off because I can’t even think of one thing I like about him. “I can’t even describe all the things about him that I like.”

He takes another step closer. “You don’t mean that.”

“Yes, I do. I want to explore what it could be with him.” I hate the next words before I even say them. But I also know they’re probably the only thing that will finally make him walk away. “I’m choosing him. I weighed my options, and he’s the better choice for me.”

Pain flashes across his face. His eyes lock on mine for a solid thirty seconds.

“I—”

But then he steps back. Far enough that I can easily walk past him. I take a few steps before stopping.

“Goodbye, Holden. You’re going to be a great engineer someday.”

Then I hurry back into the house.

“What took you so long?” Landon asks when I find him.

“There was a line for the bathroom, so that was at least ten minutes. I only got a few minutes outside.”

He studies my face as if he’s trying to be a human lie detector. Then he nods and returns to his conversation.

The next hour passes slowly.

I don’t understand why Holden would stay here and watch me with Landon, but he does.

Instead of retreating to his room, he’s sitting in a chair in the corner with a guy I assume is his friend.

Several girls have gathered around them. Two of them are very obviously competing for Holden's attention. When he shoots me another glance, I watch his eyes dart between Landon and me. Then he looks away and pulls one of the brunettes onto his lap. He gives her his full attention.

I should be relieved. Instead, I feel irrationally angry watching her touch him. I know it’s hypocritical.

Over the next half hour or so, I keep checking on him when I think no one is paying attention.

I don’t catch him looking at me anymore.

I do see his hands on her face. In her hair. I see what looks like a fairly intense make-out session. She whispers something to him. Even from across the room, I notice his shoulders tense. But then he rolls them and returns to whatever version of Holden he’s trying to be tonight. The girl stands and extends a hand toward him. He glances at me one last time.

Our eyes meet.

Then he rises, takes her hand, and follows her toward the stairs, where he then takes the lead.

My stomach drops.

She follows behind him as he guides her upstairs. When they reach the top landing, he kisses her again. Then he opens the first door on the left, and they disappear inside.

I don’t have any right to be upset. But I am. Watching him kiss another woman like that...