Page 68 of When We Were Young

Tillie is over with Georgie and Lizette, and it pleases me since that means I get to be near Lizette for a minute while I talk with Tillie.

When I get over to where the women are, Tillie reaches for Lena, and I hesitate to hand her off.

“Do you want me to lay her down for her nap? Then you can stay here and hang out.”

Tillie smiles. “Have I ever told you you’re my favorite brother-in-law?”

“Not today, you haven’t. I’m always open to hearing it.” Lena yawns, and my heart melts. I kiss the top of her sweet little head. “Speaking of favorites, I’m pretty sure this one”—I pause and point to Lena with my free hand—”has chosen me as her favorite. Harrison’s gonna be peeved that he didn’t get both of your girls to come to his dark side.”

I notice Lizette’s brow furrow, and Georgie must see it, too. She turns to Lizette and smiles. “Remember from the park? Harrison is Layla's favorite uncle. She makes no apologies for it. I think he truly enjoys rubbing it in, especially with Holden.”

“It just doesn’t make sense,” I complain. “I’m much more charming, definitely better looking.”

Harrison is passing by, a few cans of soda in his hands.

“Let me guess. Is he whining again about how I’m Ladybug’s favorite?” He doesn’t wait for an answer, continuing on his way over to where Delaney is sitting with my mom and Mom’s boyfriend.

“Whatever,” I mutter. “It’s gonna remain one of life’s great mysteries, I guess. Tills, just a pull-up and a T-shirt okay for nap attire?”

“Yep, you got it,” Tillie answers. “The diaper bag is in the girls’ room.”

“All right.” I glance over at Lizette and Georgie and nod. “Ladies.”

“See ya in a bit, H,” Georgie says. “Don’t fall asleep with her this time.”

I chuckle as I’m walking away. “I can’t make any promises.”

Forty-five minutes later, when I make it back outside to the patio, I find everyone is either eating lunch already or preparing a plate. I’m still a little sleepy from just waking up, so I grab a water from one of the coolers and find a seat away from everyone on the opposite side of the pool. I lean back and take it all in.

I know I shouldn’t, but I let my eyes wander over to where Lizette sits. She’s perched cross-legged near the middle of the chaise and smiling down at Layla and Simon, who are seated on the ground and using the end of the chaise as a table.

Lizette was gorgeous when we were young, but there’s something different about her now, more than a decade later, that makes her hauntingly beautiful. I can’t help but feel as if she’s seen stuff, been through things that have changed her in powerful ways.

“How’re you holding up?” Hayden’s words make me jolt from my daydream and jump.

“Jesus, give a guy a warning, would ya?”

He tosses his hands up. “Hey, I said your name twice, but you were… distracted.” We sit in silence for several seconds. “Seriously, though, how are you doing?”

I twist my body to face him, and Hayden’s frown tells me he’s worried.

“I’m fine, Hayden. It was a stupid college crush that didn’t mean any⁠—”

“Stop. Don’t do this, not with me. You know it was more than that. I don’t know why things blew up with you two, but I know before that you were really happy with the direction things were going with her.”

He fixes his gaze on me, refusing to look away and let me off the hook.

“Okay, sure. I was happy for a while. But Lizette made her choice all those years ago, and it wasn’t me.”

He stares at me, then shakes his head and turns his attention back to the bustling activity across the patio.

“Whatever you say. I just know that you changed after that all happened. At least in how you approached your relationships with women.”

“I don’t do relationships, so I’m not sure that’s really a fair statement.”

“That’s exactly my point. You went from being so sure you wanted a family like we grew up in—domesticity—to wanting nothing to do with anything that could lead to more. To commitment. And no matter what you say, it had something to do with Lizzie, who you can’t seem to stop staring at.”

I don’t respond right away. He’s not wrong about that last part. Losing Lizette, especially how it happened, broke something in me, and it hurt like hell.