Page 124 of Challenge Me

Maybe not everybody had darkness inside them. Amir, despite my attempts to piss him off and push him away, remained steadfast. If there was darkness there, he had control of it the way a good man should.

I didn’t deserve it, that was for sure. Even though I knew that, I kept trying to convince myself I was wrong. Cole had been at the opposite side of the field and hadn’t spoken a word, yet he’d still managed to remind me that I wasn’t this guy. I didn’t get the house and the family. The backyard, the tire swing, the original hardwood floors, the math homework, the home fucking runs.

No, I got the shame. I got harsh words followed by soft ones that I knew were fake, but I believed them anyway. I got bruises, then buttery smooth apologies; promises that wilted by morning light yet left me hopeful, like a fucking idiot. I got lessons no one should have to learn—how to survive it, to smile through it, to lie to everyone who might actually want to help. I went back for more, over and over again.

And somehow, after all that, I still hadn’t figured out the secret that would make someone just . . . love me.

“I should get to the bar,” I said , interrupting Avery mid-sentence.

Amir got to his feet with a slight frown. “I’ll walk you out.”

I nodded, only because it would be suspicious to decline. I kissed Mal on the head, then said a quick goodbye to Avery.

Once we were on the porch, Amir grabbed my hand and turned me around. “You’ve been quiet.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No. Well, for you, maybe.” He laughed, albeit a little awkwardly.

“Mm. ‘He who is never silent speaks too many staves of senselessness.’”

A small smile appeared on his lips. “Do you memorize everything?”

“Only my favorite lines. They’re good ones, don’t you think?”

“Sure, but I’d rather hear your own words.”

“My words?” I cocked my head. “He who microwaves fish at work invites Ragnarök. Better?”

His smile deepened. “Much. I think that wisdom will survive the ages.”

“Glad I could contribute something in my mortal little life.”

“You contribute a lot to mine.”

Fucking hellfire.

He was watching me, looking for something. Putting my hands on his shoulders, I kissed him hard. The sound that came from him was enticing, but I started to put up bricks against it. Against him.

I pulled back and winked at him before I turned to take the steps off of the porch.

“My flight leaves at six tomorrow,” he said.

“I’ll be back by three.”

“Remi, I . . .”

I stopped at the car door and looked at him over my shoulder. He was standing on the path, staring at me with his hands in his pockets.

“You what?”

With a tight smile, he shook his head. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Sure thing.”

I drove off without looking back. It was a blur the entire way, and I didn’t really remember making it to the bar. I honed in on a figure in a black hoodie beside the door. I walked up to him, keeping my hands in my pockets. A drop of rain hit me in the forehead, and I glanced up briefly.

“You look like shit,” Tommy said as he brought a cigarette to his mouth. Without having to be asked, he passed one to me.