Page 49 of Cursing My Cheating Husband

I gave up everything for him. Everything. I’m so fucking stupid.

She wasn’t stupid. She’d only been a woman in love who thought she could trust her husband. And I’d taken that love and defiled it, exploited it to indulge my own selfishness.

She made it to my desk and took a deep breath as she opened my laptop and clicked into my messages app. No, please, don’t read them, I thought desperately.

As she dove into all my obscene sexts with the other women, disgrace scalded me. I felt her processing the realization of just what a low man I was. That I hadn’t just cheated, but that I’d been systematically lying to all the other women too. I felt sick as I directly experienced her respect and adoration for me disintegrating, one vulgar adulterous sext at a time.

I needed this to be over. It was too much. Could I stop it? Please, Callie, I’ve seen enough, let me out of this, I’m so sorry, please, let me out, I thought, hoping she could sense my begging.

But this memory just kept driving forward into greater horrors, as Callie dove back into my long text history with Gwen. How could I have been so arrogant to not at least delete my history? Each message landed like a slap, particularly the mentions of “the wife” like she was some pathetic joke between us.

Can the wife do any positions other than missionary?

The text from Gwen sat there on the screen, mocking her. And underneath it, I felt Callie’s thoughts plunging into the darkest place yet.

I’m not enough. I was never enough. He needed all these other women because I’m boring. Because I’m not adventurous enough, or sexy enough, or interesting enough. Everything I gave him wasn’t worth anything because I’m not worth anything.

No! I wanted to scream at her. You were always enough! You were everything! I was just too dumb and pathetic to see it!

But of course she kept reading, my compounding betrayals confirming every horrible thing she’d ever thought about herself. Every insecurity I’d planted with my neglect was blooming into full poison now.

What the fuck had I done to this incredible woman?

The magic released, and I slammed back into my own body. I was still kneeling on the living room floor, and I pitched forward.

The pain—her pain—was pounding through me, and I felt it everywhere. I’d had no idea. No fucking idea what I’d done to her.

I’d thought cheating was just about sex. I’d thought it was separate from our marriage and separate from her. But feeling it from her side, experiencing the destruction I’d caused⁠—

“Callie,” I gasped, but my voice broke completely. Tears were streaking down my face. My shirt was drenched with them. “I didn’t know. I swear I didn’t know I was hurting you like that.”

She rose to her feet, her expression stone-cold.

“Please,” I begged, crawling toward her on my hands and knees. “I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t understand. I didn’t know what I had. You loved me so much, and I just—I threw it away.”

Her face remained hard and unmoving.

The words were pouring out of me now. “You tried so hard. You gave me everything. You were so perfect, and I couldn’t even see it. I was so focused on myself, on what I wanted, I never even looked at what I was doing to you.”

She turned and walked toward the stairs. I crawled after her.

“I’m such a pathetic excuse for a man. I failed you completely.”

She kept moving, and I kept crawling.

“I can’t believe I treated you that way. I’m a fucking disgrace. You deserved everything, and I gave you nothing. I’m so sorry. I’ll never forgive myself.”

She glanced back at me. “Well, we have that in common. I’ll never forgive you either.”

And with that, she ascended the stairs, leaving me collapsed at the base of them, crushed under the weight of my guilt. Her pain was still pulsing through every inch of my body. I finally understood why she’d cursed me, why she’d taken everything from me, why she’d reduced me to her servant…

It wasn’t even close to enough punishment.

What I’d done to her—the betrayal, the humiliation, the complete disregard for her feelings—it was beyond unforgivable.

I lay there on the floor, my body wracked with sobs, finally understanding the truth.

I had been gifted the most incredible love from the most incredible woman, and I had spat on it.