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There was nothing dandy about this situation at all.
Goddammit, Wes.
For the last two weeks, I’d been doing my best to be the kind of guy I wanted to be, showing up to all of Lexi’s events and helping out when she stayed with Remy—without pressure.
I didn’t want to be in Winnie’s face, and sometimes I even sent Thatch or Kline if I thought Winnie would react better to them than me.
If her interaction with Thatch last week had been anything to go by, though…she hadn’t. But Thatch had enjoyed it enough for the both of them.
Of course, I hoped that at some point it would lead to reconciliation, but even if it didn’t, I wanted to be a part of their lives. I wanted it for them, and I wanted it for me.
Winnie and Lexi Winslow made me happy.
Happier than I’d ever been, happier than when I’d thought I’d been my very happiest.
I liked being tied down to them, being someone they could count on and paying witness to every awesome mark they left on the world.
I’d gotten used to it, and whatever the stupid details—like Winnie not wanting to be with me—I didn’t want to give it up.
It was selfish. God, so selfish.
But this was the kind of selfish I was okay with being. I wasn’t some do-gooder, and I wasn’t a perfect guy. I never would be.
I don’t want to be.
But I wouldn’t mind being the perfect guy for them.
And today, it was finally time they knew where I stood. What they decided to do with it—well, that was up to them.
Thanks to covert operations by not only Remy, but also Jude and Ty, I knew that Winnie and Lexi were planning to go out to the diner on 57th and 6th for an after-school treat. Lex’s IEP progress report had just come in, and she was making strides in all the goals they’d set—and then some.
I wanted so badly to be a part of that celebration. Mostly, so Lexi would know that I was proud of her. Proud to know her. So goddamn proud you’d think I’d pushed her out myself.
The bell dinged above the door as I stepped inside and shook the April shower from my hair, and the bright light from outside had my eyes adjusting slowly.
Men are dogs, after all. Am I right?
I could barely see anything, but the vivid coral of Winnie’s shirt would have been hard to miss anywhere—if I could have missed her.
Her head was down as she peeled the paper off of her cupcake and laughed at something Lexi said as she chomped away on a donut. It was cut up on her plate, and she was using a fork—something she always did with her donuts—and my knees nearly caved at the sight.
I’d missed the two of them. Even hanging out on the fringes of their life, I missed being on the inside. They had so much to give, and I didn’t want to miss any of it.
Winnie’s eyes came up right then, as if she’d heard me say the words aloud.
She looked startled.
But not angry.
Giving her the chance to decide if I had the privilege to join them or not, I raised just one hand and showed her the inside of my fist.
All the answer I needed was her small smile.
With one last wipe of my feet on the doormat, I crossed the space until the edge of their table came to my thighs. Lex looked up as my shadow fell across her, and she smiled at the sight of my face.
I might as well have melted right there—because I was done. The two of them smiling at me like they were, welcoming me, was all I needed in the entire world.
Wanting so badly to say how I felt, but knowing blurting it out wasn’t the way to go, I folded my hand into the ASL sign for “I love you” and pressed it against my thigh.
Lexi noticed.
“I love you,” she said, and my heart flexed.
Choking on words and disbelief and pretty much just being a bumbling buffoon, I only managed to stutter one horrendously eloquent word. “What?”
“Your hand means ‘I love you,’” she explained.
“She’s started learning sign language now,” Winnie added.
I shook my head with a smile and barked the very beginning of a laugh.
“I am so screwed.”
Winnie’s face changed then, and I realized I wasn’t screwed. Not yet. But I wanted to be—desperately.
Going with what felt natural, I started with that—with her, with my favorite little girl in the whole wide world. I had two women to tell how I felt, for different, very specific reasons, and that meant I had to start with one.
“You’re right, Lex. It does mean ‘I love you.’”
Her answering expression said “duh.” I laughed again.
I asked Winnie for nonverbal permission to sit down, and she granted it with a nod of her head.
As I scooted into the booth, I pulled Lex’s little chin in my direction with one gentle finger.
“I couldn’t have fallen for a different kid, Lex.”
Her eyes held mine as she tried to make sense of every word I spoke. My voice shook with emotion as I went on. “It’s you. You’re special, and not just for your brain or the things you won’t ever be, but because you took everything I thought I knew—and taught me different.”
Not only was a woman with a kid not the last thing I needed—it was everything I did.
These people—this woman and this child—had taught me to be a man.
“I love you,” I told her, but my eyes went over her head and straight to the perfect blue eyes of her mother. “And that’s an answer I didn’t have to Google.”
I watched in awe and shock and all-consuming love as Wes told my daughter that he loved her. My daughter. A kid who had been through some serious hard knocks in her little life. A kid whose father had been harder to find than Waldo.
Sure, she had my brothers, and they doted on her and loved her dearly.
But she had never had a man choose her like Wes just had.
He’d chosen her. Not out of relation or paternity or obligation, he’d just chosen her because he needed to, because he wanted to, because he loved her.
I couldn’t stop the tears from slipping past my lids and down my cheeks as Lexi grinned back at Wes, her wise little eyes all-knowing and understanding of what he just said.
She might not have been able to express it in direct words or a manifestation of emotion, but when she lifted up the rest of the donut on her plate and handed it to Wes, saying, “I love you, too,” that was my Lexi’s version of handling such a precious, beautiful moment.
Her attention moved across the table to me, and her endearing gaze glanced down at my half-eaten cupcake and then back to my face. “Cupcake, Mommy?”
“You want the rest of my cupcake, sweetie?” I asked while trying not to choke on the poignant emotion lodged in my throat.
She nodded and smiled a sugary sweet smile.
I laughed through my tears and slid my plate across to her. “It’s all yours, Lexi Lou.”
I had to look in the opposite direction of Wes for a long moment and get myself together. I feared if I met his hazel gaze, I’d truly break into sobs.
But thankfully, he knew me well enough to give me those silent minutes, seemingly content, so very content, with just sitting at the same table as Lex and me.
Three hard swallows and a swipe of my thumbs across my cheeks, I finally looked at him. His eyes searched mine, gentle and tender and oh so filled with love. They truly were. They were just filled with love.
But I wasn’t sure if it was because of Lexi or if it was because of me…
“Both,” he whispered.
I tilted my head to the side in confusion.
“I love you, and I love Lexi. I love you both.”
“What am I supposed to do with that, Wes? You told me you didn’t want this, us. You told me you couldn’t handle it.”
“I was an idiot,” he answered, not the least bit prideful. “You scared me, Win. You are so strong and so beautiful, and every day I was falling more in love with you. Every day, my feelings for you got stronger, deeper, more intense. Just one glimpse of your soft smile or to hear your rare, girlish giggle was enough to melt my heart. It all happened so fast. One day I’m content with everything in my life, and the next, there you are making it all seem like sh—crap.”
He reached his hand out and caressed my cheek. “But I’m not scared anymore. I’m ready. I’m all in. I want you and I want Lex and I want us to be the family we shouldn’t have ever stopped being. I want to continue falling more in love with you every day. I need you, Winnie. I need you and I love you and I will do whatever it takes to win you back.”
I couldn’t help but grin at his choice of words. “Win me back?”
“I’m really hoping this is going to end up a Win-Win kind of scenario, sweetheart.” He grinned. “I’m hoping you’ll forgive me, and I’m hoping you’ll let me love you for always. I never want to go a day without you.”
My heart couldn’t deny that everything he was saying was truth. He was pouring his heart and soul out for me, and I knew with every fiber of my being that this was Wes.
He was handing me his heart. He was giving me everything.
“I love you, too, Wes,” I whispered, choked up on the sheer volume of how much I meant those words. It was an all-consuming kind of love, an I can’t go back from this kind of love.
He pressed a soft kiss to my lips. “Enough to let me be your boyfriend again?”
I giggled and nodded.
“Enough to let me propose to you some day in the very near future?”
