Page 17 of These Secret Years

“I think it’s probably better that way. I’ll feel like I’m good at it if it’s over quick.”

I would laugh if I could, but I want what he’s offering too much to find any humor inside this thick fog of lust.

He’s on his knees before I can think of anything to say that might talk him out of it. His hands are inside my pants and boxer shorts, dropping them just enough to reveal my rigid cock. I dig my nails into the tree trunk as he takes my length in his hand. I find myself looking up at the sky in a desperate attempt not to come at first contact. “Oh, God. Oh, God. Fuck.”

He makes a short sound that’s almost like a laugh. “You’re fun.”

I respond with something like a whine.

“That’s hot,” he whispers, his breath ghosting over my tip, where I can tell I’m leaking. When he licks at my precum, more pulses out.

“Mm…wow.”

“I think I might come,” I confess. Tears sting my eyes at the humiliation of it all. At how impossibly good this feels and how badly I want it. At how totally fucked I am because this can never be my life.

He grips the base of my cock tightly, choking back the imminent orgasm before sucking me into his mouth. The tight, wet heat suddenly encasing my shaft is better than anything I’ve ever felt. The flat of his tongue wraps around the curve and then swirls across the tip. He sucks me down again with some force and releases his hold on my base.

My orgasm builds like a perfect collision of storms. Lightening cracks up my spine and heat melts my legs. Thunder pounds through my balls, and my cock jerks like the earth just shook beneath us. I grit back the noise climbing out of my chest as I shoot into him, finally looking down at him again.

I find him with his eyes closed, cheeks darkly hollowed out, and a crease of concentration on his brow.

So fucking beautiful. Unable to help it, I touch his hair. It’s a light touch until his hand covers mine, forcing it against his head, into his thick hair.

He’s taking every drop. Even milking me for more, and my dick offers it up blindly.

I don’t know how I’m still standing. I can’t take any more of this. “Hey. Hey.” It’s all I can say until he pulls off and looks up at me.

“Hey,” he says, sounding drunker than he did before.

I slide down the tree trunk. Half my shirt comes up with the motion. Bark scrapes at my skin, but I barely feel it. I sit with him still kneeling between my legs, my hand still in his hair. I use my grip to pull him toward me, to bring our mouths together again.

His kiss is deeper this time, and I taste my cum on his tongue. Fuck, that’s so hot it makes my spent dick hurt.

“I guess I’m probably not straight, but that’s all I’m willing to commit to tonight,” he eventually says.

“Thanks for letting me help you figure that out.”

“Thanks for letting me do that.”

I half-laugh, and then something less like regret and more like terror gnaws at my awareness.

God, it’s the worst fucking feeling. He’s so perfect and beautiful, and I should be on top of the goddamn world, but this is where I have to say something along the lines of no one can ever know about this. Ever. And I hate myself for it even though the words still haven’t left my mouth. The thought itself is awful enough. I would say it’s unfair, except I chose this. And I have to keep choosing it. My secrets and even my lies.

But before I do that, I drop my gaze to the bulge in his pants. “Can I…?”

He shakes his head. “No, don’t. It’s like—I don’t know if I want to explain it, but I’m good.”

“Okay,” I say, unsure how I’m supposed to feel about that. It doesn’t hurt so much as it’s confusing. But a lot of things about Sullivan are confusing.

He settles into a cross-legged position between my bent knees. “What do you think about this night?”

I stare at his mouth with its dark, swollen lips and the way they move when he speaks. “I wasn’t so sure about UNO, but since I won, I can’t really complain.”

“I didn’t understand the air fryer.”

I laugh softly. “I have to trust Gabe knows more about dorm life than I do.”

“Gabe seems extremely into dorm life.” He rests his elbows on my knees. “Are you looking forward to this year?”