Page 133 of Sparks Fly

“You say you want me there. You say you want them to know.” Her eyes came back to mine. “And I believe you. I just don’t understand why wanting it isn’t enough to make you do it.”

I swallowed. “It’s not that simple.”

“I know.” Her voice stayed gentle. “At least, I’m trying to.”

The hurt was there now. Small, but impossible to miss.

“I freeze,” I said. “I picture the questions. My mother trying to get involved. Trying to control it. And then I think about what happens if she looks at me differently after.”

Sawyer nodded slowly. “I know you’re scared.”

“I am.”

“And I’m not asking you to stop being scared.” She paused. “I just don’t want to be the part of your life that only exists when no one else is around.”

“You’re not.”

Her voice softened. “Sometimes it’s harder to remember when you’re sitting at dinner while your mother tries to set you up with someone else.”

The shame hit hard. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not trying to make you feel guilty.”

“You’re allowed to be hurt.”

Her jaw tightened slightly. “I don’t want to rush you. But I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me at all.”

I reached for her hand and held it against my chest. “I want to bring you,” I whispered. “So badly.”

“I know.”

“I don’t want you to think I’m ashamed of you.”

“I don’t.” She squeezed my hand. “But eventually, Addie, you’re going to have to decide whether being afraid matters more than letting me stand beside you.”

My eyes burned.

She immediately pulled me closer. “I’m not giving you an ultimatum.”

“I know.”

“I’m still here.”

I tucked myself against her, pressing my face into her shoulder. “I hate that I’m still like this.”

“You’re allowed to take your time,” she said, running her hand down my back. “I just need you to remember I have feelings about it too.”

“I will.”

She held me until the tightness in my chest began to ease.

“Stay tonight,” she whispered.

I wrapped my arm around her. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Good. Me either.” She said, and I knew she was talking about more than just tonight.

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