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Too bad I’m going to crash, break every bone in my body and ruin that clean bill of health forever.
Whatever, I think half an hour later as we traipse out to one of the smaller runs at the resort. Being in one piece is so totally overrated. Especially when the alternative means I finally get to watch Logan on a monoski.
Oh, I’ve heard about his adventures. Have dealt with Ash’s anxiety, and his pride, over his brother’s determination to learn how to ride one, but this is the first time I get to see Logan in action.
I can’t wait.
“So, you ready?” Ash asks again as we stand at the top of the hill looking down.
Not even close. I think about changing my mind, about heading back to the resort to hang with Ophelia, who is working her shift in the coffee bar. But Z is out here, along with Luc and Cam and Logan, and they’re all looking at me. All waiting for me to “barge” my first run. Unless I want to look like a total pussy, there’s nothing I can do but give this thing a try.
“Yeah. You bet,” I tell him, ignoring the voice in the back of my head that’s telling me I’m going to die. Ash has survived avalanches, for God’s sake. Surely I can survive a bunny slope.
He spends the next few minutes going over everything he’s already told me about how to do this. The way I’m supposed to hold my body, how I’m supposed to use my hips to swivel and jump—like I’m planning to do either. Right now, I just want to make it to the bottom of the hill in one piece.
And then Ash is stepping back, dropping his hand from my waist. “Okay, baby,” he tells me. “Go for it.”
Damn. I take a deep breath, steel myself. Here goes nothing.
I scoot forward, inching sideways on my board like I’ve been practicing in the front yard. And then, with a look at Ash and his friends and another look at Logan, I drop into the run.
It’s fucking brilliant.
I’m not going very fast as the slope is a lot less steep than anything Ash rides, but it’s amazing nonetheless. Behind me, Logan lets out a little whoop, and then he drops in, too. He’s a lot better at this than I am, so he manages to keep a decent distance between us as we go down the hill together.
Wind rushes by my hair, the cold biting at my cheeks. But I don’t care. I barely even notice it, to be honest. I’m too caught up in what it feels like to be out here with Logan and Ash and the others. What it feels like to, finally, be a real part of the group.
Adrenaline races through me as I carve a line straight down the hill. I don’t do anything fancy—the fact that I’m still standing seems pretty fancy to me—but when Ash comes up on the other side of me, he’s wearing the proudest smile I’ve ever seen. Even after five months of being together, it makes my heart go pitty-pat just a little faster, just a little harder.
“You guys are doing amazing!” he crows.
It’s a bit of an overstatement and Logan and I roll our eyes at each other one more time. But I’m secretly pleased and I can tell that Logan is, as well. Ash’s approval means so much to him and it’s awesome that Ash has finally figured that out.
Ash passes me then, doing a little jump that spins him around and has him boarding backward down the last stretch of mountain. Show-off.
When I finally get to the bottom, he’s already there waiting for me—as are Luc and Cam. They aren’t looking at each other, aren’t talking to each other—things have suddenly gotten very strained between them, which sucks—but they’re both wearing big smiles as they watch Logan and me cruise to a stop.
I wobble, then start to fall. But Ash is there to catch me, to pull me against him and give my suddenly weak-feeling knees all the support they need. But then, that’s Ash. He’s been giving me that little bit of support, that extra little hand, for five months now. And it’s been amazing.
Because he’s learning how not to be overbearing. How not to let his own fears for Logan and me cloud his interactions with us. It’s not that he doesn’t still care an obscene amount, because he does. Some days I can’t believe how much he loves me. But he’s tempering that with caution, with an understanding that Logan and I can do a lot on our own. We both need him, desperately, but we’re both strong enough to do the hard things alone. Even if we never have to.
“That was amazing, Tansy!” Logan crows as I kick out of my board. His face is flushed, ringed with smiles, and I’ve never seen him happier. Getting on a monoski is the best thing that’s happened to him in a long time.
“It was!” Ash agrees, pulling me into his arms and spinning me around. “You were amazing.”
“I was barely passable,” I tell him. “But that’s okay. I’ll get better.”
“Yeah?” he asks, brows raised. “You want to go again?”
“Hell, yeah,” I tell him, slotting my hand into his. After all, life isn’t always easy. It isn’t always fair. But it is an adventure, one that I’m so grateful, so thrilled, to have the chance to live.
A year ago, I never could have imagined this.
A year ago, I thought I’d be dead now.
I look up at Ash, glance at Luc and Logan, Z and Cam. And count my blessings. Because this … this is so much better.
For Martin
