Page 33 of An Accidental Elopement

Now that she was here it was much more difficult to broach the topic than she had expected. Archie was right: It was easier to talk about these things in the dark. Even though it could be difficult even then.

“Well,” she started again.

She could simply wait until she and Archie reached London, she interrupted herself. One of her sisters had to be there. And it had to be one of her sisters, because even though she also had good friends that she could ask, she was not certain that they would be able to hide the fact that Cecilia had not consummated her marriage yet.

But this could not wait another couple of weeks. The image of Archie in only his shirtsleeves and pantaloons from last night shimmered for her inner eye despite her trying to focus on Hester. She had been close to throwing all caution to the wind yesterday and ask Archie to join her in the bed. “I need some advice.”

Hester did not say anything but raised an eyebrow in a questioning manner, a mannerism that was eerily similar to that of her brother, and indicated a chair that was placed in front of the table. Cecilia sat down while wondering who exactly Hester had meetings with in here. As far as Cecilia knew, Hester was working on a thesis on kingfishers based on her own observations in the surrounding area.

“Am I right to assume that you and Flint have in fact... preempted the wedding night?” Cecilia said and could feel herself flush. She had not dared to meet Hester’s eyes but as the other continued to be silent, Cecilia looked up to find a pale Hester staring straight at her.

“Who... How... No... Well, yes, you are certainly wrong,” Hester stammered.

Everything in Cecilia told her to apologize and retreat from the room, but her desire to finally dig herself out of the mess she had created was greater. She squared her shoulders as she looked straight at Hester and said:

“I know you are with child.”

“You can’t possibly...” Hester blurted before she looked away with an expression on her face as if she was going to be sick.

“You have gained a little weight, your skin has a certain glow to it, and you looked unwell during breakfast. All clear indications that you are in fact with child,” Cecilia told her.

She paused for a moment to see Hester’s reaction as the truth dawned on her.

“I’m not faulting you for it,” Cecilia hastily added. “You and Flint will be married in only a couple of days. I doubt anyone outside of the family will even suspect...”

“Outside?” Hester breathed and Cecilia could see fear in her eyes.

“I am fairly certain that at least your mother and the marchioness... Edwina suspect as well,” Cecilia told her while desperately trying to find a way to move the conversation in the direction that she had originally been hoping. She had not figured that Hester would be this upset by the pregnancy being discovered.

“Flint cannot know,” Hester exclaimed and rose from her chair. Cecilia jumped in front of her and intercepted her before she reached the door.

“I am certain no one would tell him. Please sit down, there is no reason to be upset.” Cecilia gently led Hester back to her chair. The other woman was looking into the distance with an almost pained expression on her face.

“It’s only been two weeks since I missed my monthlies. I thought I could hide it for at least another couple of months. Perhaps even more.” It sounded more like she was talking to herself than to Cecilia.

Nevertheless, Cecilia knelt in front of her, and gently took one of her hands in hers.

“Why would you hide it? I am certain Flint would be delighted.” She smiled slightly but it did nothing to relieve the tense look on Hester’s face.

“He will be livid. Don’t you understand? He will be upset and anxious all through the pregnancy and birth.” Hester was speaking directly to her now. “Don’t you know him at all? He is certain that his wife will suffer the same fate as his mother.”

Flint had never spoke of his mother while they were courting. Nor about his father for that matter. What she knew about Flint’s parents was only what her mother had told her: That Flint’s mother had died giving birth to her fourth child, that also died at birth. Flint’s father had not been able to cope with the grief but had been drinking, gambling and to all extents living a reckless lifestyle until the day he crashed his carriage into a tree during a race. It was why Flint had inherited the title at only six and twenty.

“I am certain you are mistaken,” Cecilia soothed her before she had time to think her words through. Because truth be told, Hester probably knew Flint better than she did.

“I am not.” Hester’s tone was bitter. “Why did you think he chose you to begin with? I don’t mean to be cruel, but he knew that if you died in childbirth, it would not destroy him as it had destroyed his father.”

Cecilia let go of Hester’s hand and sat back on her haunches. Her mouth had fallen open, but no words came out. She had never given much thought as to why Flint had chosen her. She had just been grateful that he had. If someone had pressed her on the issue, she would have said that it was probably due to her background, her dowry and that they got on well despite not being in love.

What Hester had divulged was unsettling. That Flint had thought her... dispensable somehow. That her life did not matter as much as Hester’s.

“Please don’t fault him for it. The notion is absolutely ridiculous. And it is not as if he would have wanted you to die,” Hester pleaded with her.

Would Archie grieve her death if she died given birth to his child? Or would he be relieved? Cecilia rose slowly, feeling the overwhelming urge to be alone.

“I’m sorry, Cecilia. I did not mean to upset you. Only to demonstrate how ingrained this idea is in Flint and why it is important that he does know that I am expecting. I want us to be able to enjoy the first months of our marriage without this weighing down on us.”

“Of course,” Cecilia muttered reflexively. She desperately wished to be alone. In her room. Hiding under the covers of her bed.