Page 16 of Last But Not Leashed

“I haven’t put any moves on anyone.” If Dan wanted to believe I was the instigator—something I would be, given time—it’d throw him off my trail for a few minutes.

“You slept in her bed. Every single male in the pack is burning with jealousy right now, especially after Ethel ripped Dana a new ass earlier today. You may as well buy yourself a collar and leash, man. You’re owned.”

If I ignored most of Dan’s commentary, I might escape unscathed. “I had a hell shift and a mauling, and as she dosed me with high grade pixie dust, she was responsible for making certain I stayed out of trouble. She decided her place was a suitable containment cell. Don’t make something out of nothing.”

“You’re not getting away with that this time. I asked her myself. She’s on the warpath to claim you. Good luck escaping. Once a bitch picks her male, she doesn’t quit. You’re being hunted. We’ve decided we’re going to help her.” Dan grinned and punched my arm hard enough to stagger me. “We’ve also been told if we so much as giggle over your fur, Jerome will be testing out various wolf stew recipes.”

“That’s not what I wanted to hear today.”

“We’ve seen pictures of you in various stages of passed out with Ethel standing guard and snarling for the camera. You’re going to be even more effective as a beta now, and that disgusts me.”

That was news to me. “Why would you say that?”

“You’re joking, right? No one wants to pick a fight with Ethel. She’s mean.”

She was? While Ethel’s work in the CDC put her into contact with most of the local packs, I’d never heard anything but compliments about her. I arched a brow, kept an eye on the dance party taking the food court by storm, and waited.

“Dale, she’s a lycanthrope who wears wolfsbane perfume. She’s crazy.”

“You didn’t even know she was a lycanthrope until this week.”

“Not true. She’s got a gorgeous white coat and a hobby of bloodying amorous males because she’s only interested in you.”

While I liked that Ethel wasn’t shy about staking her claim on me, I wanted to strangle my co-beta into unconsciousness so he’d leave me alone so I could work in peace. “You do realize I’m working, right? Unless you want Ethel coming over here and killing me for slacking off on the job, go away.”

“You’re watching a bunch of gorgons dance. I mean, in your shoes, I’d just let them dance, too. You’ve already been petrified once this week. And pixie dusted. And mauled at the mall.”

“If I buy you a leash, would you contain him, Helen? Please?”

“And lose my chance to have fun at your expense? Never. I never even dreamed you were interested in Ethel of all people.”

“And why do you think I’m interested in Ethel?”

“You took six bags of our alphas’ blood, got hopped up on the virus, and wrapped yourself around her legs. When she scratched your chin, you melted into a vaguely Dale-shaped puddle. You then slept like a rock at her trailer, requiring Jerome to go over and prod you awake. There’s no way you’d do that unless everything was perfect in your little world. We’re making bets over how long it’ll take her to catch you.”

I sighed. “You’re not going to stop, are you?”

“Not until you’re happily mated.”

Why me? “Fine. I have things to do first, like finding a better place to live.”

“I’ll tell Clyde. He’ll find you a good place. Ethel’s a bit of a skinflint, so she won’t even think about needing a bigger place. Obviously, you’re the sensible half of the pairing. Plan for at least one kid. Ethel gets stars in her eyes when there are little ones under foot.”

“Any other unasked for advice, Helen?” I’d have to thank Ethel for the phrasing of that question later.

“I’d need all night, and you’re supposed to be working. Honestly, I’m here because Jerome threatened to skin us if at least two members of the pack aren’t hanging out at the mall until you’re done this shit assignment. Jerome’s convinced a rival pack is going to grab you. After seeing how bad you are at fighting, he’s not sure you’ll ever be able to protect yourself.”

“Why am I a beta again? Can I quit?”

Helen grinned at me, lobbing a punch of her own at my arm. “You can’t quit your job or quit being a beta. Sorry. You’re stuck with us. Also, it’s because of your stare down. You ooze disappointment when we screw up, and damn it, it’s awful.”

“You punch like you mean it,” Dan added “Maybe you suck at fighting as a wolf, but you’re a master at the sucker punch.”

“If you didn’t need me to knock sense back into you, you wouldn’t get hit.”

“Helen keeps telling me that.”

“Maybe you should listen to her. Look, I really doubt someone is going to kidnap me. Ethel? Helen? Hell, even Dana and Marie—there are a lot of reasons packs would want them.”