Page 35 of Grave Humor

“The node you want is not the one making the dead restless, but the one making the dead restless infringes on your territory.”

Eoghan cursed, and the words spilling out of his mouth made no sense to me, but there was something almost musical to the language he spoke.

“That is his mother tongue, Anwen. Beautiful, isn’t it?”

“Very.”

“His people were long gone before even the Babylonians built their towers and sought the world’s knowledge. His language was long dead before Christianity’s flame first sparked to life. I existed, of course—but I did not exist then as I do now.”

Eoghan sighed. “She already knows I am old.”

“Yes, but this will make her question just how old. That is what you want, isn’t it? For her to become curious enough to seek out your secrets?”

I bit my finger so I wouldn’t grin or laugh at Eoghan’s disgruntled expression. As I suspected the devil might be listening to my every thought, I considered my fledgling plan to lure the antique to my bed and try to seduce answers out of him.

“That’s a good thought, Anwen, but you’ll find him terribly prudish about such things. He is stubborn, and you’ll find that stubbornness will become a barrier. I’m sure you’ll figure out how to get to him. There are options to make such a plan work, but you’ll have to get creative. You can also choose to be more aggressive about it. That will win you the result you want, although you’ll deal with a great deal of shock, which will interfere with your desired result.”

Great. I’d gone from barely tolerating Eoghan’s advances to having to bludgeon the man if I wanted to drag him to bed? Life truly wasn’t fair.

“What are you talking about?” Eoghan demanded.

“Your prudish nature.”

“My nature is not prudish.”

“Your nature is most definitely prudish in modern society.”

Enlightenment struck, and I pointed at Eoghan. “You came from a structured patriarchal society, and you probably did things like dowries and sold your daughters for cows!”

“I do not have any daughters, but I would not sell one for a mere cow even if I did have one. I would not sell her for several cows, either.”

“In that regard, you’ll be fine, Anwen. He is a most jealous specimen.”

I rolled my eyes. “He’s currently in love with my truck.”

“This is true. I’m sure you’ll be able to handle his affections for your truck. Now, about that phone. Why don’t you allow me to help you with that matter? I have a most excellent plan, and it would be prudent if no one could bother you.”

“No deals,” Eoghan snapped.

“There’s no deal. My daughter likes telling me I’m an entity of pure evil, so I feel this disgusting compulsion to do random nice things to annoy her. This will heavily annoy her, as she will not be able to comprehend the reasoning behind this act of kindness.”

“But will your plan work in my town?”

“My plan works in all towns. If there’s a cellular tower, it’ll work. You’ll like it. It comes with unlimited data, international calling, and it can even reach me in my hells should you have a reason to give me a ring. I’ll even be nice and give you my wife’s number.”

“Your wife’s number?” I asked.

“Darlene could use some mortal friends. She gets tired of putting rowdy devils in their place.”

Okay. I could deal with being friends with the devil’s wife. I could deal with being friends with an angel’s wife, too. “If you don’t think she’ll mind.”

“She’ll do anything for a chance for those wretchedly sweet coffees she loves, but she rarely strays far from home without an excuse. I keep trying to tell her she can go create trouble whenever she wants, but then she tells me she has to keep me out of trouble. She’s really not all that good at keeping me out of trouble, in case you were wondering.”

“I really wasn’t, but I’m not surprised. In the slightest.”

Laughing, the devil grinned at Eoghan. “You should just surrender now.”

“No one had warned me you enjoy spewing nonsense.”