Page 57 of Grave Humor

I returned the Book of Life to the catacombs, closed off the entry, and called the police using Eoghan’s phone to report Director Hammel had been behind my kidnapping and that he’d brought me to the cemetery. I glossed over many of the details, although I did say I’d been dumped into the mausoleum, and I had escaped with a little help from Eoghan and Gordon, who had been searching for me.

The cops made assumptions, and I allowed them to maintain their false beliefs.

It was a lot easier than trying to explain how the devil and an angel of death had descended on Sunset, Alabama and turned the place upside down.

The sun crept over the horizon when the police finally allowed me to go home, and I took the quickest shower in my life before sitting down at my kitchen table to make friends with a honey rock. I woke in bed with no memory of how I’d gotten there, and Eoghan sat at my feet, holding out a plate of sliced melon. “Eat this so you don’t try to eat me, please.”

Eating in bed hadn’t been something I’d done since I’d been little, primarily because I’d never had anyone to bring me anything to me. Once in the kitchen, I could never justify sitting anywhere other than the table. My stomach growled, and I accepted his offering. “Thank you.”

“You sat at your table in the morning, flopped, and mumbled about your precious honey rocks before passing out, so I brought you to bed. You’ve been asleep for six hours, and Cecily suggested I wake you up and get something into you so you don’t starve, as it was unlikely you’d had anything after you were grabbed. Director Hammel is still at large, and he is being charged with murder, attempted murder, kidnapping, concealing a murder, and a long list of things involving the death of my caretaker. It seems Azrael visited the police before returning to the catacombs to make it clear they should address certain matters.”

“Address certain matters?”

“Regarding Mr. McGregor. He is, in case you were curious, fishing at the river and rather enjoying his unlife. It seems his business is still unfinished, but he’s in no hurry to move on to the next life. A priest attempted to lay him to rest, and he laughed and said he might listen to a higher power, but he had no intentions of listening to someone who didn’t mind his murder.”

Poor Old Man McGregor. “That’s different. Usually they move on when the priest comes.”

“He has a strong will and he died before his rightful time. When his rightful time comes, he will head to his next life on his own unless someone convinces him to leave early. That’s the doing of the node. The node seems to understand the proper time and place for life and death.” Eoghan frowned, and deep lines creased his brow. “The Book of Life may be responsible. I never believed it’d be here of all places.”

“Is it the node?”

“No. It’s certainly an object of great power, but it’s not one of the nodes. I don’t know where those are at. I fear Director Hammel may know, however—even if he doesn’t realize what he has. Attempting to break a universal law could bring disaster to everyone, and what he perceived as a success will forever be a failure.”

“Azrael said his wife would be forever free from him.”

“Angels cannot lie. Even I know this truth. They cease to be angels should a falsehood leave their lips. Circumstance can change, but that would not change that they had spoken the truth at the time of its speaking. At that point in time, he believed this to be true. It probably is.”

“The devil said he had plans for Director Hammel.”

“That would explain the angel’s confidence. How are you feeling?”

I devoured the first of my honey rock slices, sighing happily over its delicate sweetness. “Much better now that breakfast is a honey rock.”

“Your head? Gordon said you’d been hit in the head.”

“It’s all right. It aches a little, but that’s it.” I ate another slice of my honey rock. “He wanted to know about you.”

“I hope you told him I was his death in the flesh.”

“I went with mostly honest with a side dish of setting him up to underestimate your general willingness to kill him. I cooperated because I didn’t feel like giving him any excuses to kill me.”

Eoghan made a thoughtful sound in his throat. “That will do. That was wise of you. Good work.”

“You asked the devil for help.”

“I demanded help, and I refused to bargain with him. And while I am appropriately grateful for his assistance, I owe him nothing, not even a favor.”

“You can still be nice to him.”

“I intend to be cordial.”

I expected that was the best I’d get out of Eoghan. “Have you seen my dog?”

“While I have heard about this animal, I have not seen him personally. I will let you know if he shows up. The food that was put out for him has been pilfered, likely by said animal.”

“You don’t like my dog?”

“I haven’t met your dog. I have no problems with dogs. I like dogs. I will tell you should I see the stray. Your neighbors were inquiring why Director Hammel might want you. I was rather displeased with their tone.”