Page 62 of Grave Humor

“That is because you’re a being of order and he is not,” the devil replied.

Okay. If they wanted me to restrain my curiosity, they were not going about it the right way. “Can we discuss these abilities, please?”

“So polite,” the devil cooed. “I expect you’ll get to see his powers for yourself soon enough. The first time he witnesses someone bring harm to you, he will manifest. That is his nature.”

“Is he that dedicated already?” Azrael asked. “I try not to think of him in such a fashion.”

“You need to join a triad and get laid,” the devil complained. “He absolutely hates when she screams above all others.”

“I will enjoy holding this over your head for the rest of eternity,” Azrael announced.

Eoghan heaved a sigh. “She deserves respect. She truly does not fear death.”

“And he finds he does not find this lack of fear to his liking,” the devil added.

“I wish I could strangle you and plant your seed of life in the heart of the void so it might never bother me again,” Eoghan spat.

“You’d miss me.”

With a grunt, Eoghan stormed out of the kitchen.

“So grouchy,” the devil said when he was gone. “How long do you think it will take for him to figure it out, Azrael?”

“Without help? An eternity. With help? A lifetime or two. She’s going to need help convincing him to join her in her bed as she wants.”

That didn’t bode well. “What sort of help?”

Hmm. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked that with the devil in the room.

“Handcuffs might work,” the devil replied. “You’ll have to give him a demonstration of how they can be used for mutual enjoyment. Alternatively, I can just ask my wife to spread the joy in town one night soon after having one of her friends lure Gordon away. He needs to learn there are better ways for him to feed, and she can partner him with an incubus so they can hunt together. Vampires are typically incapable of relationships and love, although Gordon is exceptional. Azrael?”

“You want to ask me to do something forbidden.” The archangel clamped his wings. “The universe…”

“It’s not one of the laws, and we both know it. The eldest have learned.”

Azrael straightened. “Have they?”

“Indeed. It would just take a nudge and a release of death’s cold hands to turn them into beings as capable of love as any human. The younger would have much to learn, but they could once again bear complete souls.”

“You have grown into a disgustingly philanthropic creature since the last time I walked this world.”

The devil shrugged. “Those who sought to circumvent death made many vampires through forbidden magic, and it would help balance this world a little. The balance is important. A vampire here and there wasn’t an issue, but they’re not just one here and there anymore.”

Azrael’s form shimmered, and for a moment, I caught the shadowy shape of his fully formed head through the shroud enclosing his head. “She walks through the valley of the shadow of death,” Azrael announced.

I loved everything about that phrase, especially the weight of truth in the archangel’s voice.

“One day, she will see through the shroud in its entirety,” the devil agreed. “Anwen, it’s a little early for you to be staring upon archangels with prying eyes. You already figured out the key secret of their visages. You have some left to learn, but you’ll figure it out on your own, I suspect.”

I shrugged. “I haven’t fallen over dead yet. I figure I probably should have in the catacombs when I saw that carving. I know I’m not a perfect person, and that’s what angels are, right? They’re what we might have been, and that is what kills us—that we can never match what we could have been if only we were perfect.”

“This is the truth,” Azrael said.

“I haven’t had this much fun since arguing with your little girl about destroying cities,” Gabriel said. “She’s not going to figure out what truly matters despite the hints you’ve been dropping. It is a place her thoughts simply will not go. Either tell her or don’t, but nudging her will not work, just as it hasn’t worked on any of the others who have walked similar paths. Be kind, Lucifer.”

The devil grinned rather unrepentantly. “I can’t help it. It’s my nature. I was born bad. Being kind is such a drag. Don’t ruin my fun. I get so little of it.”

Yep, the Lord of Lies was spouting bullshit, and even I could tell.