Page 72 of Grave Humor

“I will think of something good for later.” I tiptoed to the front door, careful to avoid the trouble spots we’d identified when we’d first entered the house. “I have to tell the devil’s wife really nice things about him as payment for dealing with this house. This is the easiest bargain I’ve made in my life. I will sing his praises once he torches this damned thing so it doesn’t bother me again.”

“Closure is a most valuable gift.”

Yes, it was. “And burning it to ash will save on the demolition fees.”

The devil popped into existence beside us, and he held a moldy jewelry box in his hand, offering it to me. I recognized it as my grandmother’s from my father’s side. I frowned, as I thought the precious box had been lost years ago. I took it, opening the lid. The hinges snapped off from neglect, and I cringed at having broken it. Inside, my grandmother’s most prized possessions glittered in the sunlight, the silver tarnished, the gemstones dusty, but everything intact despite the box’s horrific condition. “I thought this was gone.”

My grandmother, right up to her death, had bothered with me, building me the swing in the back and teaching me how to play. She’d also helped me with my schoolwork, laying the foundation for my ability to budget and survive in a world that cared little for me.

Over the years, I’d forgotten about her; she’d died shortly after I’d turned nine, and her ghost had visited me so I’d know the truth my parents had refused to tell me.

She’d been one of the last ghosts I’d seen before the incident in the hospital.

Her jewelry had disappeared sometime after her death.

“When the departed have a strong enough will, anything can happen. It’s rare for ghosts to manifest in such a way. She hid the jewelry box in the wall of your bedroom, hoping you would one day inherit the house that is rightfully yours. She lingered until your father inherited her box, and then she spirited it away. As I intend to leave not even ash behind, I would have ruined her plans. Nothing else here has a weight or presence associated with it.”

Later, I’d cry for the old, sweet woman.

The devil patted my shoulder. “Her seed of life has since been replanted. She found heaven to be dreadfully boring and bullied her way back to the mortal coil.”

I smiled at that. “You’re going to have a terrible reputation if you keep this up.”

“I maintain my most horrific reputation among those who deserve it. I’ve no interest in having your soul.”

“Hey! What’s wrong with my soul?” I waved the broken lid of my grandmother’s jewelry box in his face. “If you don’t give me an excellent answer, I’m shoving this up your ass and telling your wife to add ten years to her ban on you counting her spots.”

“She is a vicious being,” the devil complained to Eoghan.

“You act as though this is a problem, and I find nothing problematic about this at all.”

I sat on the grass, which was in dire need of being cut, and checked on every piece of jewelry in the box, which included a lot of rings with large stones, which I assumed were beloved but otherwise worthless glass baubles, the kind of stuff I’d wanted as a child but my mother had never gotten for me.

I’d clean them up and treasure them.

“They’re not glass,” the devil announced.

I frowned, staring at the many rings, necklaces, and bracelets crammed inside. “What are they then?”

“Most call them diamonds, rubies, sapphires, emeralds, peridots, opals, moonstones, a few variants of quartz because she thought the colors were pretty, and so on. They’re real stones. Like you are inheriting them, your grandmother inherited them, and her grandmother before her inherited them. These tend to skip a generation as they go down the line, often hidden away for a granddaughter to find. It’s a family tradition. I am a terrible being, peeking into the past at my whim.”

“Am I supposed to reward you for this information?”

“I would really like to count my wife’s spots tonight.”

I laughed. “How did you get into the doghouse, anyway?”

“I wouldn’t let her steal your dog and take him to my many hells for a while.”

Eoghan scowled.

I eyed Eoghan. “Why are you scowling when we’re talking about my dog? You haven’t met my dog yet, have you?”

Lucy smirked.

Eoghan lashed out and punched the devil in the nose. “If I could, I would kill you right now.”

My mouth dropped open. “You punched him!”