Page 17 of A Chip on Her Shoulder

“I absolutely am hunting your brother.”

“But why?”

“I need to rule his hells if I want to be in a good position to give that little baby girl a nice home later in her life, which means I have to conquer your brother. If I conquer your brother, then I have the full force of those hells at my disposal to make her happy. That’s right, isn’t it?”

For a long moment, the archangel remained silent. “You are very determined, I see.”

“She deserves better. I’m going to have to rob your brother a little to pay for her monthly check-ins, too. They offered yearly, but that wasn’t good enough. I requested monthly. I have to pay that bill, but your brother can afford it, right?”

“Yes, without difficulty. Bargaining is not typically the domain of angels, but we can come to an arrangement you will find acceptable.”

“I’m listening.”

“While my brother has fallen, he is still my brother, and I do love him dearly.”

“Well, that could be a problem, as I’m fully intending on storming his gates and taking the place over. You said he had electricity and luxuries, and he might be a good enough protector for that little girl. I gave her instructions to kick ass before I gave her to the CDC to take to her blood relatives.”

“She will,” Michael promised. “There are, perhaps, some things you should know about my brother before you make any decisions.”

“I’m listening.”

“He cannot have children. That was a consequence of his fall.”

I snorted. “He can dote on little Kanika when she grows up. Do I really look like the type that wants to deal with nine months of some brat kicking at my internal organs? Hell no. Apparently, I am the kind who might snatch unwanted babies and keep them. I really thought about keeping her, Michael. If my brother wasn’t a chipmunk right now, I would have just taken that little girl home and made sure she had everything in her childhood she needs and won’t be getting. But I can’t guarantee anything for her right now. So, I’m going to whip your brother into shape and ruthlessly use him so I can guarantee things for her later.”

The archangel laughed. “I know. You have no current interest in procreation, although you do have a general inclination towards mothering those in need of affection. My brother has already made a bargain regarding the child,” Michael announced. “It was made upon her birth with her father. It will be some years before he will have to do his share of the bargain. He does not fully understand the consequences of the bargain he has made. He is somewhat blind in these matters.”

“What are you talking about?” The Devil had already forged a bargain involving Kanika? I narrowed my eyes, turned my ears back, and growled.

“Please do not fret. There is nothing amiss with my brother’s bargain. If anything, he is intrigued by what was offered to him. Kanika’s father cannot tend to her for important and good reasons. As such, he bargained with my brother so that she might, after she turns twenty, have a divine eye guarding her. My brother does not yet understand he has stepped onto the path of becoming a father, although he has comprehended he will have some of the burdens and responsibilities of fatherhood. My brother is as dense as he is vain. He is quite amused over the situation, and He looks forward to watching his fallen son step onto a new path.”

“Being a father is more than donating sperm.”

“Precisely. My brother is limited in some regards, and he forgets this—or he simply does not understand what he has believed he can never experience.”

“I saw her first.”

“This is true. My brother has not seen her, nor will he for some years. The first time he is forced to move to protect her, my brother will discover emotions he had not believed himself capable of. I will enjoy spying on my brother and watching his latest fall.”

“Finders keepers,” I announced.

“Bargains do not work this way. He must fulfill his obligations.”

“She’s still mine. I saw her first.”

Michael laughed. “Then you will have to move forward with your plans to conquer my brother. That would make what is his yours, correct?”

“Absolutely.”

“Many have tried to conquer my brother since he fell, and all have failed. What makes you think you will succeed?”

“Well, if knocking on his door and asking nicely doesn’t work, I’ll figure something out.”

“You plan on knocking on his door and asking nicely?” the archangel asked.

I giggled at the astonishment in his tone. “Well, that seems like the polite thing to do. It’d be rude to just completely go storming the place. I figure I’ll ask first, listen when he inevitably starts doing what he does, and go from there. I’ll refuse his generous offers to bargain, though. I’m not asking to bargain with him. I’m going to be telling him to do it because he’s not completely awful.”

“I am not certain of your chances of success, as I do not wish to ruin this surprise. I wish to behold his face myself when you do just this.”