Page 19 of A Chip on Her Shoulder

“He can know you speak the truth without believing a word you say. That’s how you lie without lying, isn’t it? You tell him a truth so absurd he can’t believe it, thus forgetting you’re incapable of lying. Thus you deceive him with nothing but the truth. You can also choose to withhold important bits of information. For example, I will not tell your brother I’m planning on taking over his domain for personal reasons, leading him to believe I’m selfishly working only to restore my brother to a sentient form. I understand human might be a stretch. But sentient rather than rodent would be an improvement.”

“You are a truly terrifying creature, and I find the more you speak, the more terrifying yet endearing you become.”

“Does that mean you think I’m good enough for your brother?”

“I think you may be the most perfect punishment for him.”

While I’d meant something entirely different, being the perfect punishment for the Devil would do if I got what I needed out of him. “That’ll work. So, see you soon?”

“I will see you soon.”

I hung up, and I smiled.

The archangels appeared on my doorstep, and only the color of their wings distinguished them. I sighed at their lack of nipples, clucking my tongue and shaking my head. If Michael had kept the nipples he’d put on earlier, he might have classified as male perfection. “What a waste of such beautiful chests.”

“You have a severe chest fixation,” Michael replied, and he gestured to his brother, who had red bands on his otherwise pristine feathers. “This is Gabriel. Arguably, we have the best relationship with our fallen brother, so that is why he has chosen to accompany us to our brother’s door.”

“What an interesting human you are,” Gabriel said, his tone amused. “You will find my brother’s chest quite attractive, I do believe.”

“Does he have nipples?”

“He has all of the parts you, as a woman, find appealing.”

Nice. “So he can make good use of his incubus powers?”

“Indeed,” Gabriel replied.

“Seduction of your brother is not off the table if it gets me what I want, and I do not have a problem with his tragically monogamous ways. I’m a selfish bitch, and I do not have any intention of sharing should I select a man.”

Michael chuckled. “You are hardly a bitch.”

“Have you met me? I’ve been planning murder all day, and I’m going to take over hell so I can murder the bastards, send them straight to hell, and resume what I started. This is not a job I wish to leave unfinished.”

The archangels, for headless beings, had quite the stare.

“What?”

“I have never met a human so capable of good yet also so capable of evil,” Michael admitted. “It is quite startling, really. You have a strong capacity for kindness, but then I listen to you, and I realize your capacity for kindness is only equal to your capacity for…”

“Evil? Cruelty? Savagery?” I thought about it. “Cruelty might be the word you’re looking for. And you’re not going to hurt my feelings admitting that. I plan on making that mafia outfit pay for what they’ve done to my brother. I am assuming, for better or for worse, they have done the same or worse to others.”

“Would it soothe you to find out they have?” Gabriel asked, his tone curious.

“Soothe isn’t quite the word I’d use. Would I intensify my efforts? Absolutely. If they’ve done this to others, it’s pretty obvious the justice system isn’t going to do jack shit for the other victims or their families. I’m happy to cut checks on their behalf and dish out the suffering.” I frowned, opened my front door, and gestured for the archangels to come inside. “This house isn’t much, but it’s what we have. I inherited it because my mother was worried Jonas would make a mess of things. I can’t say she’s wrong. I guess putting my brother on the coffee table counts as rude, but at least I’m keeping the television on for him so he won’t get totally bored while he’s a chipmunk.”

The archangels walked to the coffee table and leaned over, which implied they had heads and peered at my brother in his glass prison.

Jonas squeaked and retreated into one of his tunnel toys.

“I guess he’s not really all that fond of archangels. I’m sorry he’s being rude.”

“Your brother does not have your good tendencies,” Gabriel informed me. “His nature recognizes us for what we are, and he avoids us as a result. You have sufficient good tendencies to not be offended by our presence.”

“I’m offended by your lack of nipples.”

Michael laughed. “Then you may find our brother appealing. His chest is much like ours, although he prefers darker skin, and he takes a great deal of pride in his physique. Darker skin hides the soot, and he’s quite vain. He would spend many hours of every day preening if he had our pale countenance.”

“So, you’re saying he’s a black man with a perfect chest? Are his nipples perfect?”