Page 52 of A Chip on Her Shoulder

“No.”

He grunted, scowled, and said nothing.

I turned to Belial. “Now that he’s taken care of for the moment, I have a few hours before you’re some nameless entity floating around in a world of pain. What’s your general proposal for this box?”

“I will kidnap you, lure the humans to a quiet, remote location, and begin your fish collection.” The devil associated with ruin and general suffering gestured to my new box. “Some devilish influences and the careful cultivation of substances have resulted in a compound capable of guiding their transformation to a certain extent. In short, upon exposure, they will become finned aquatic creatures. An additional compound, chosen specifically to garner favor with you, will reverse their age to a rather young state. They’ll be babies barely capable of survival. My sources indicate you enjoy the presence of young creatures.”

I turned my glare to Michael. “You tattled, didn’t you?”

“I prefer to think of it as encouraging you to care for your new pets rather than flush them down the nearest toilet, however satisfying dumping them into your septic tank may be. View it as extending your revenge in a somewhat merciful fashion.”

“The one that abuses his family deserves to be flushed into my septic tank.”

“That one will be aware of his past transgressions as he lives out a very extended life waiting for his time in my brother’s many hells, assuming he survives long enough to be turned into your pet. Should he survive, you will have a beautiful pet, and he will be brought low until it is time for him to face his punishments.”

“Just how beautiful of a pet are we talking about here?”

“He will become a Mandarin dragonet.”

“He’ll be a what?”

“A Mandarin dragonet, sometimes called a Mandarinfish. He’ll be a very beautiful and colorful fish, the prize of any aquarium,” Michael explained. “As a gift to you for putting up with my brother, I will help you set up his habitat, and I will teach my brother how to care for your new prize. He is beautiful but toxic, fitting his nature. You will enjoy many hours watching him. I will help you establish homes for all the new species of pets you acquire. You will need an entire room in your new home dedicated to your living trophies.”

I regarded the Devil with interest. “I’m going to need a room for my pet fish, and I am willing to offer you a payment of one hour with a spot of my choice for this space.”

“Monthly, like rent. I get an hour with the spot every month as rent for these fish I cannot eat or torture until their natural deaths.”

“Deal. I’ll pick the spot after I have these fish in my possession and have approved of their new habitats. They’re treasures, so they get excellent habitats so I can show them off to those I don’t like. Belial, it is possible to get more of this substance should I need it, yes?”

“Of course.”

“Okay. What’s this about kidnapping me?”

“You will be impaired, and being kidnapped will be well within your capabilities while you’re suffering from your poisoning. Lucifer can satisfy himself rescuing you once the main work is done and I have secured your new pets. I will safeguard your pets while Lucifer indulges in one of his fits of temper.”

“I do have quite the temper,” the Devil admitted. “Indulging is my specialty.”

I bet it was. “And how are you going to kidnap me?”

“You will go to one of the addresses your brother has, and I will snatch you with witnesses, and I will have some of my lesser devils lure them to the appropriate locations. They will be disguised as humans, of course.”

“Okay.” I eyed the Devil. “Get your protesting out of the way now.”

“If Belial wishes to forge an alliance with you, I’m not going to stop him. Try not to abuse my devil too much, as while he is annoying, he’s very good at his work.”

I found it amusing he thought Belial would need to be protected from me. “I’ll think about it. The only rescue I’ll particularly require is from this poisoning, so that’s your problem.”

“Yes, it is a problem. I dislike maintaining this ruse.”

“Deal with it. Belial, try not to damage any of my spots. He gets unreasonable about my spots.”

“I have noticed this,” Belial replied. “Your spots are safe, although I fear for my sanity.”

I pointed at the Devil. “You live in one of his hells. Were you ever really sane to begin with?”

“You make a good point.”

Pointing at the Devil led to trouble, as the Devil leaned over and gently seized my finger between his teeth.