Page 70 of A Chip on Her Shoulder

“That is what conversion is for. My brother intends to finish what was started and keep you at his side until the End of Days and beyond. And do not ask about what was started. My brother would become distressed. He has handled the important work, and He has already arranged for the balance of it. You can have your temper tantrum over it later if you please, Lucifer.”

The Devil sighed. “This is where I’m supposed to use filthy words again, isn’t it?”

While I had no idea what they were talking about, I nodded my agreement. “Do it to His face. It won’t hurt you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Does losing access to my spots hurt you?”

“I’m already hurt you have made your fur disappear.”

“They will stay disappeared for longer if you put up a fight about using your filthy words to show appropriate gratitude at the appropriate times. It’s called manners, and I expect you to use them.”

“You have some pretty harsh rules,” the Devil complained, and I recognized his lies through his body language, which relaxed. “I can’t help but notice you are lovely even without your spots. I need that coffee now, Gabriel. I think it’s time to teach her precisely what she’s getting into, and she needs her coffee to enjoy herself properly.”

“I recommend you hang a sign on your door requesting you do not be disturbed. Remember, until you convert her, she is still technically mortal, and you need to take extra special care with her. However much it disgusts me to say this, for it means mortal men are beyond stupid for not desiring her for what she is, you are the first to take proper notice of her.”

“Gabriel. You do realize I am the Devil, right?”

“You are the Devil, but you are also an idiot when it comes to matters requiring delicacy.”

“I’m well aware of what I have to work with, and it makes claiming every spot that much more enjoyable. She resists me, Gabriel.”

“Resist is not the word I would use.”

I snorted at the archangel’s rather blunt implication I had zero interest in resisting anything involving the Devil’s perfect chest and a bed. “Should I have just worn the tie to send the appropriate message?”

“You wisely selected your attire for your purposes,” the archangel assured me. “Just tell him to be gentle and keep in mind you’ll tire easily. I will bring all of the things for your kittens along with your coffee, and I’ll even provide the sign and perhaps warn the other residents they would be unwise to bother you at this point in time. Do not let him forget the mortal customs you enjoy, and I recommend you recruit one of the friendlier succubi with help with your attire. You can learn some interesting arts from them, although I suspect most of your lessons will be handled by Lucifer while he handles your person.”

“If he ever hopes to count a single one of my spots in the future, he better be handling me along with my lessons.”

The archangel laughed. “I’ll bring your coffee and your kittens’ supplies momentarily. Be patient until then.”

I waited for the archangel to disappear before saying, “Are you capable of being patient?”

“I dislike it very much right now, although it wouldn’t do to have you bereft of a cold drink while you enjoy a hot show.”

The Lord of Lies told a great deal fewer falsehoods than I expected. “It surprises me he’s not embarrassed by my untraditional attire.”

“While he is not Sariel, he appreciates women as much as other archangels. When my brother is swayed by a mortal, I will be there, ready to indulge in mocking laughter. Should he fall for a mortal woman, I have the perfect incubus in mind. And should he fall for a mortal man, well, I’d have to put some serious thought into which succubus is partnered with her, as she’ll have to swap to be more of a Gabriella for a while.”

“Honestly, after witnessing his lack of nipples, learning he can be a she at will isn’t even all that disturbing. But his lack of nipples? That’s just horribly disturbing.”

“You have a nipple fetish,” the Devil informed me.

I shrugged. “I know what I like, and I like a perfect chest with equally perfect nipples. It just happens you possess the perfect chest with equally perfect nipples. I’m afraid you’re just going to have to deal with it. I’m pretty sure my chest and my nipples are not nearly as lovely as yours.”

“That is not a challenge you wish to issue to me, Darlene. I will spend hours proving you wrong.”

“Talk, talk, talk. That’s what the women say, that men are all talk about that. While Gabriel wasn’t precisely lying, he left out the part about my general disinterest in a great deal of posturing for ten minutes with a chance of pregnancy. And yes, your brother told me you cannot have children. Something about your fall.” I dismissed the issue with a huff and a wave of my hand. “If I want a baby, I’ll steal an unwanted one from somewhere.”

“Is it stealing if the child is unwanted?”

“I’m not sure. Is it?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never stolen unwanted babies before.”

“You’re the Devil, and you’ve never stolen an unwanted baby? Wait. Have you ever stolen a baby?”