Page 80 of A Chip on Her Shoulder

For fuck’s sake. “Just get your ass on the move so I can have dinner, give me a baseball bat, and point me at one of the fucking assholes.”

“Baseball bat? Why do you want a baseball bat?” the Devil asked.

“I’ll just fucking beat them and you can then make them fish and I’ll nurse them back to health in my tanks. Look, I’m hungry, and you promised me steak.”

The Devil grinned at me, rested his hands on my shoulders, and pushed me towards the door. “Then let us be on our way. It won’t take long to get what we need from Belial. Jonas will just have to deal with the sting when I force his transformation as he has yet to learn how to control it himself.”

“This is going to suck,” my brother predicted.

“Oh, you have no idea how right you are,” the Devil promised.

Belial gave the Devil a bag and a box along with a stern warning to be careful with the contents, as they were among his most potent. Without waiting for an acknowledgment, he vanished in a plume of vile-smelling smoke. With that portion of our plan completed, we addressed the matter of my brother and deceiving any idiots who might check in on my home to see what was going on.

I suspected the Devil made Jonas’s transformation as painful as possible to remind me of the various sins of those I meant to crush under my pretty heel. My chipmunk of a brother whined and waved a furry paw at the Devil, and I carried him around on my shoulder. Teleporting to my home left me dizzy and with a headache, and I frowned.

“Your body has been under a lot of strain, and I’m not as gentle with teleporting as my brothers.” The Devil scooped my brother off my shoulder and put him in his cage on my coffee table.

“How did you know?”

“I cheated and checked, but only because I was expecting it to have some adverse consequences. We will be traveling to dinner in style, and I requested a tray of appetizers to tide you over until we arrive. I’d rather not teleport you again right now, so we’ll be taking a limousine. It will also make a statement when we arrive. I’ve had various demons and devils spread some whispers around to streamline our work.”

“Think a baseball bat will fit under my dress?”

“Alas, no. Jonas, you will be able to transform yourself back to a humanoid form with a little concentration or if you’re startled or injured. Be aware you will take on a more demonic appearance unless you’re focusing on your human form. At that point, you may as well employ your natural weapons and handle the problem directly. Do try not to kill any of the mortals, as I would like to claim them for your sister’s trophy room. You may bring them to the brink of death and teach their souls why it is not wise to cross me.”

My brother bobbed his head and settled into his rodent paradise, and he pointed at the TV while squeaking.

As I loved my brother most of the time, I turned it onto his favorite channel rather than mine.

Someone knocked at the door, and the Devil offered his arm. “That would be our driver. With your leave, I will administer Belial’s concoctions. He has a sense of humor, and he often tricks those who use his wares. I can handle anything he throws my way, including amusing additions I might not prefer.”

“Additions?”

“He might, for example, decide I should have a tail and ears the match of yours, or he might attempt to stain your fur a rather obnoxious color.”

I linked my arm with his. “If he dyes my fur, I will make my revenge so elaborate your many hells discuss will it for all eternity.”

The Devil frowned, thought about it for a minute, and shrugged. “It is a good thing I am who I am, as I find this thought tempting. You would feud for all eternity and turn my many hells into a battleground for your pranking. It could be most amusing.”

“Don’t you even dare think about setting that disaster up, Lucifer.”

“Oh, I’m thinking about it. I do hate getting bored.”

Right. I should have known. “If you help with any action that dyes my fur in any shade without my permission, I will be banning you from any spots for a period of one year per every minute my fur is the wrong color.”

“I see you have a very deep line in the sand on this issue.”

“Not only will you be banned from touching any spots, I will dye my fur black so you can’t see them, either.”

“Please marry me.”

I raised a brow at that and laughed at how my cruel removal of my spots for his enjoyment could result in the Devil liking it to such an extreme he’d make such a request. “You can try again with a ring and on bent knee. Only then will I consider giving you an answer.”

“You’re really going to make me kneel.”

“I absolutely am going to make you kneel, and if you’re slow about it, I’ll help Belial go through the interested succubi and set up interviews.” I’d also contemplate killing them all or adding them to my tanks.

“So ruthless,” he murmured, and he took me to the door. True to his warning, a limousine waited in front of my house.