Page 84 of A Chip on Her Shoulder

“You can do that?”

“Of course.”

Before I could ask what else had riled the Devil up about Gallo and his lowlife thugs, the waiter brought both bottles of wine and opened them, going through some odd dance with the Devil to make certain both were acceptable before taking our order. Lucifer made a few additional requests, and to my fascination and delight, he did so in a different language. My eyes widened at the waiter’s lack of reaction, bowing at the Devil’s requests. “I will attend to this immediately, sir.”

“Okay, that was really neat. What language was that?”

“An extinct language, truth be told. The people who once spoke it lived in Africa, although they’re long gone. I used a little magic to make sure he understood my request, as I wished to preserve the secret for your enjoyment.”

“You can just start talking dead languages to people with the expectation of them understanding you?”

“I’ve been doing it all night long, and I’ve been manipulating you to do the same, all so Gallo can’t overhear us. He believes we’re speaking some South American language, apparently, for he understands Italian and Swedish and we make no sense to him. When I spoke to Belial, I used a devilish language. That one I’ll teach you properly, as you’ll need it.”

“What is the fucking asshole thinking about now?”

“He’s generally frustrated, as I ordered most of our meal in English, and he couldn’t catch my last request. To his perception, I lowered my voice in a more controversial manner. He has the poison with him in his pocket, and he’s debating how to make the most use of it. His companions also have doses of it with them. I find them foolish, carrying such a thing in something as fragile as a glass bottle in their pockets. They are just smart enough to be dangerous.”

“What does he think about you?”

“I annoy him because I’m in the way of what he wants.”

“Well, that’s certainly true. Is he going to interrupt our dinner?”

“No. He likes this restaurant and doesn’t want to risk being unable to return, so he’s biding his time. His current plan is to wait until we’re finished and follow us out, approaching and poisoning us when we’re on the street. Once the poison kicks in, he wants to claim you. He will have me followed and dealt with at the earliest opportunity.”

Well, at least my dinner would be safe, and if he did screw up my dinner, I would turn my chair into a lethal weapon. “That’s not going to work out as he’s expecting.”

“I do find that to be very amusing. I have plans to make you my equal on the survivability front.”

“Through conversion.”

“I’ll enjoy it immensely, and I will endeavor to make certain you enjoy it as much as I do.” The Devil smirked. “Of course, all I have to do to catch your attention is unbutton my shirt. I have you figured out.”

Busted. “I refuse to be ashamed of my interest in your chest.”

“And I refuse to be ashamed of my interest in your spots. We are well matched in that regard. I’m far more generous about my chest than you are about your spots. You should be more generous with your spots. I’d very much appreciate them.”

“You might kill your succubi if I let you play with all my spots at one time. I’ve seen what you can do with only access to my ears and tail.”

“I wouldn’t kill them. They’d just be excessively satisfied and whine over having been thoroughly exercised. The incubi will love me. I’m just spreading the joy. They’ll be fine. They’re just very well fed and need to digest. Both succubi and incubi feed off sexual energy, and you bring out the best in me. Once I have you fully converted, you’ll be well tended, that much I can promise. I’m greedy and selfish, after all.”

He was the Lord of Lies, and I raised a brow, wondering who he was trying to convince with that load of drivel. “Yes, you’re so terribly greedy and selfish.”

“Is that sarcasm I’m hearing, my darling?”

“Perhaps.”

He chuckled. “Most would not be so bold with me.”

“I have what you want, and as such, I get to be as bold with you as I want. Anyway, you like it.”

“I like it very much.”

“If I can’t have a baseball bat, can I break my chair over his head and beat him that way?”

Lucifer coughed and covered his mouth. “First, I fail to tire you out. Then, because that was not bad enough, I have not fed you sufficiently to control your murderous instincts. If the thought of you beating some foolish mortal to a near-death state while wearing that dress wasn’t so damned attractive, I might be concerned. But it’s very attractive, and I regret I can’t encourage you to do just that. A little wine may help take the edge off.” Reaching for the bottle of his preferred wine, he poured some for me and offered me the glass. “One of the perks of being my companion is your newfound ability to drink as much as you want without concern over becoming too drunk. I find the idea of abusing magic for my enjoyment amusing, and keeping you pleasantly intoxicated without being fully impaired is my idea of a good time. Lowered inhibitions and all.”

“Does that come with a reduced chance of hangover?”