Page 18 of Playing with Fire

“Stings a little,” I contributed, giving a shake of my mane and relaxing my stance.

Professor Yale pointed at someone in the first row. “Ask your question.”

“Can all unicorns talk?”

“No.” I stomped a hoof. “Wilds do not. They hunt. Eat. Burn.”

Oh yes, did they burn. The desire to snort flame and bask in its heat writhed under my skin and heated me from within. Until the transformation reversed, my favorite place in the world was somewhere with a fire. I turned my head to Professor Yale. “Fire?”

The professor chuckled, stepped forward, and gave my shoulder a pat. “Yes, Bailey. I’ll take you somewhere with a nice fire. If you haven’t noticed yet, Miss Gardener is keeping to short, easy words, and will often degrade to the simplest methods of communication possible. Unicorn anatomy, while somewhat compatible with human language, makes speaking difficult. It’s actually uncomfortable for her to talk. In addition to that, unicorns have a different thought process and base personality, which does blend with Bailey’s inherent personality. While at base level she is the same person while human, complete with her memories, she picks up a few elements of a unicorn’s temperament. In regards to language, when we were initially evaluating her while she was a unicorn, it took her several weeks of effort to master basic English.” Professor Yale pointed at someone in the audience, a young woman who stood up.

“How long will Miss Gardener remain a unicorn?”

“It varies. No matter which grade you’re subjected to, duration is dependent on the individual. She might reverse back to human within ten minutes, or she could be stuck for a week. While many people have a more consistent response to transformative substances, hers is widely variable. I will lose my new ears within two hours. The longest time she has remained a unicorn has been eight days. In emergency situations, A grade and weaker substances can be reversed through treatment in a glass coffin. The procedure takes two hours, but it’s expensive and risky.”

I remembered those eight days far too well. Mary thought it had been funny to use me as a coffee roaster and charged customers a premium for the honor of having a cup made by a fire-breathing unicorn. She often enjoyed my various mishaps with the CDC, finding some way to earn a profit at my expense.

I really hoped the reversal happened sooner than later. Trotting around as a unicorn wouldn’t make it easy to find a new job or a place to stay, but at least I could sleep just about anywhere, especially if I stole one of the CDC’s horse blankets. Then again, I could also swallow my pride and take a nap in their stable. Wait. Did I even need to ask them for approval? They had turned me into a unicorn in the first place. I’d just invite myself over for a free stay and bite anyone stupid enough to disagree with me.

Professor Yale gestured to someone in the crowd. “Your question?”

“Is it true only virgins can ride unicorns?”

The entire audience cracked up laughing. I wondered if the glass barricade could handle seven hundred pounds of unicorn slamming into it. Maybe if I softened it with a little fire first, I could get through and poke a few holes in the boy.

“I’m sure Miss Gardener would enjoy a midday snack if you’re volunteering. No, virginity will not save you from being eaten by a unicorn. Bailey, please show them your claws. Try not to break the glass, as it is very expensive.”

I charged the barrier, reared, and pressed my front hooves to the glass, unsheathing my claws and tapping them on the slick surface. I turned my head and exposed my teeth, which were serrated and pointed to better tear meat into chunks I could swallow. As payback for the virgin question, I snorted flame, too. “Dee-lee-ssshh-us human.”

The front row cleared out so fast I whinnied my laughter. “Run, tay-stee humans. Run.”

To give the kid credit, he didn’t flee although his eyes widened.

Professor Yale cracked up laughing behind me. “Would you care to put your virginity to the test, Maverick?”

“No, thank you. I’m good.”

“Any other questions?”

The students kept quiet, and quite a few of them retreated to the safety of the doors in the back of the auditorium.

“That concludes today’s lesson. Dismissed.”

The place cleared out in record time, and I dropped to all fours, letting out another amused whinny. “They run fast, profess-ur.”

“That they do. Did you really have to threaten to eat them? I’m going to have whiny students in my office complaining I put their precious little lives in danger.” The old man shook his head. “At least there is good news. You’re testing out as expected. Whatever gives you your immunity isn’t dependent on your immune system. A genetic marker, perhaps? Ah, a mystery for another day.”

I shook out my thick coat and gave my mane a toss. “Who knows?”

“Good question. Something to think about later. Are you ready for a trip? We’re expected elsewhere. As we had to napalm your apartment, the CDC has made arrangements for temporary housing.”

I tossed my head, widening my eyes in astonishment. “Real-ee? Why?”

“Ah, that’s right. You probably don’t remember what we told you while you were ill. We couldn’t neutralize the device with the sprays. It took two rounds of napalm to get it all. As it’s partially our fault you lost your residence, management thought it would be appropriate to make arrangements.”

Since when did a government-run organization like the CDC do anything outside of their contracts? “Im-poss-ee-bull.”

“Get used to the idea. Everyone’s very grateful you kept it in your apartment. Had your heating or air conditioning been on, we would have been dealing with a major outbreak. You did everything exactly right. You neutralized the airborne particles, you did your best to contain the source of contagion, and you kept everyone out of the affected zone. It’s not often I get to tell anyone this, but well done.”