Page 69 of Playing with Fire

“Yes, you do. You’re not hallucinating. You’re watching my grandparents harass my father. It’s their biggest joy in life.”

Okay, I could handle an incubus and angel getting together with a human and somehow producing Quinn’s mother. I tried to imagine how a gorgon and a centaur produced a human. I couldn’t.

I returned to safer waters. “I’d like to point out that no one has been petrified yet. This concerns me.”

“Hey, Grandfather. Bailey is having trouble coming to terms with the fact you haven’t petrified anyone yet. I think it might be screwing around with her perception of reality. Don’t you keep a ready stock of stoner bait around?”

I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed. Too often, those bored, high, or on some sort of drug sought out a gorgon to experience petrification. Some liked it so much they became gorgon groupies, nicknamed stoner bait by the law enforcement officers tasked with keeping such incidents to a minimum.

Why was Quinn encouraging the gorgon with lethally venomous serpents on his head to petrify someone?

“You should have brought her to visit us earlier, then. I’m sure you’ll figure out some way to handle the problem you created with your neglect.”

Quinn sighed. “Why am I not surprised?”

“Because your father raised you almost right. Not quite, but almost.”

Tugging on Quinn’s sleeve to recapture his attention, I whispered, “A gorgon and a centaur having a child together really equals a human?”

“Yes, surprisingly. Hey, old man. What are we waiting for, anyway?”

My future grandfather-in-law, the gorgon, chuckled. “Your aunts. Not even the judge is willing to risk their wrath. Your great-grandparents wanted to come, too, but they’re busy skinning my brother for daring to whelp a menace to society. If you’re lucky, they’ll show up a bit later.”

“You have a big family, Quinn.”

He smiled at me and leaned over to kiss my forehead. “You’ll get used to it. I did. They had to tie me down and subject me to the whole lot of them until I went into psychological shock and accepted them, but you’ll get used to it. I might have a dirty secret. It’s really bad, and I’m really, really sorry. I hope you’ll still marry me once I tell you.”

Uh oh. “Oh boy. All right. Just say it. It can’t get any weirder than this.”

“You beat the shit out of my first cousin once removed, and he offered you six million dollars to become his harem queen, which is another way of saying his wife. I’m pretty sure this means I get to beat him up, Grandfather.” Quinn sighed. “I’m going to get my ass kicked by my great uncle over this, and he doesn’t fight fair.”

“I was wrong. It got weirder.” Running away wouldn’t help. Somehow, I had found the freakiest but sexiest man alive. Marrying him fit my crazy life well. So his great uncle might be a gorgon king, and his first cousin once removed was a perverted prince who’d gotten influenced by an incubus during gorgon mating season. I could handle the situation like an adult.

I wouldn’t laugh. Oh, how I wanted to laugh. I wanted to laugh so hard I cried. Then I would return to Perky’s SUV and curl up with Quinn’s blanket while sucking my thumb.

Sometimes, the only way to deal with adult reality was to indulge in a good thumb sucking while wrapped in a nice blanket.

“I would have told you sooner, but I was too busy fantasizing about murdering my cousin. Then I remembered my woman beat the shit out of my cousin, and everything seemed okay at that point.”

“My grandson is easily distracted,” the gorgon informed me. “You’ll get used to it one day, I’m certain.”

I drew in a deep, cleansing breath. “All right. Your grandfather whelped a gorgon king. What does that make you?”

“Technically, I suppose I’m a gorgon prince since Dad’s from my grandfather’s first whelping. We’re just humans, though, much to his disappointment.”

Quinn’s grandmother kicked out a hind hoof and thumped the bench behind her. “You are a prince, young man. I have the papers to prove it. You are my son’s child. You are a gorgon prince, and don’t you forget it. The only reason those in New York City don’t know to grovel at your feet is because your mother asked me really, really nicely. Your father is just as much of a king as my bratty brother-in-law.” The centaur grabbed a handful of coral snakes and tugged. “Can we get a refund on him, dear? Really, allowing one of his whelp to humiliate himself in public like that. I really should let our little Sam beat the shit out of him.”

My husband-to-be sighed, and I began to understand why he was so patient. “Mom, please tell me my great-grandparents aren’t coming, too.”

My future mother-in-law checked her phone. “They should be here in five minutes.”

Quinn stiffened beside me, and his eyes widened. “Your Honor, can we start? I need to be out of here with my wife within four minutes and thirty seconds.”

Maybe things would seem a little more normal if I sat with the gorgon. Since he couldn’t petrify me, maybe I could get one of his snakes to bite me. I sat, clasped my hands in front of me, and pretended I belonged among the menagerie. “If I have to clean up after you tonight, I will turn into a unicorn and fry your ass.”

Okay, I hadn’t meant to say that, but for once, I agreed with my big, stupid mouth.

“I love how she’s so serious about this.” Quinn’s angelic grandfather laughed. “She’s so charming, little one. Wherever did you find her?”