Page 36 of Hoofin’ It

“Isn’t three days the average, though?”

“Three days is the duration of the virus’s survival outside the host body. Instead of waiting out the virus’s lifespan, your body is actively killing the virus. In standard patients, the lycanthropy virus will attempt to replicate and take root. Even resistant patients may become infected with sufficient exposure to the virus. You have antibodies. There are no known cases of infection of people who produce antibodies.”

“So there is zero chance of me becoming a werewolf?”

“Correct.”

I wasn’t sure what I thought about that. The possibility of contracting my father’s virus, which allowed for the prized hybrid form, had never bothered me. In some ways, living beyond a standard human’s lifespan intrigued me. The immunity verdict ensured I’d be old and gray while my parents remained young and healthy. “That’s actually a bit disappointing,” I confessed.

“Lycanthropy does have its benefits.”

“As long as you’re infected by someone who has all three forms.”

“That is a factor.” For several minutes, Dr. Harting observed the meter, which beeped whenever it finished processing one of its tests. With the exception of my elevated white blood count, my blood test revealed I was in good health for a guy with only one eye and a concussion. “These tests aren’t the be-all-end-all to testing. The meter covers a lot, but only lab tests are as thorough as required for some conditions. That said, you probably don’t have cancer, your organs are functioning like they’re supposed to, and your immune system is doing its job.”

“So no bad news?”

“No bad news. Now, the next test is where things get ugly, takes up the most time, and is the primary reason these damned things aren’t the first tool of choice for examinations.” Dr. Harting cleaned and sterilized the needle before stabbing my thumb again. It took all of a few seconds for the device to squeal. “Oh, look. You’re a male.”

A laugh burst out of me. “Are you serious?”

Turning the display to me, she pointed at the notation on the screen identifying me as a male. “I’m a male with no species?”

“It takes about an hour for the device to completely chew through your DNA and make full sense of it. All humanoid species share a high number of DNA markers, which is why these species are compatible—it’s also why a satyr and a faery usually have a human child.”

I blinked. “That was not discussed in biology class.”

“Of course not. I’m a doctor, and I still haven’t figured out the mechanics of a faery and a satyr having intercourse. Also, do not ask how a faery mother gives birth to a human.”

“You have no idea how uncomfortable I am with how this conversation has turned.”

“You have no idea how uncomfortable it was in that delivery room.”

“Why did today turn into a sex education class?”

“You’re the one who decided it was a good idea to go to a shady nightclub.”

“I’m pretty sure my parents were trying to sell me into slavery but forgot they had to participate in the transaction to get paid.” I shook my head and sighed. “Will that test prove if I’m adopted or not? I’m starting to think maybe I’m adopted and they want to get rid of me and get back some of their investment.”

The machine beeped. Dr. Harting frowned at the display and slapped the side of the device with her hand.

“I’m pretty sure that reaction is a cause for concern.”

“Hold that thought.” Dr. Harting crossed the room, picked up the phone mounted on the wall, and pressed a button. “I need a general scanner and an infectious diseases meter brought to room 3406. I also need a diagnostic scan run on our comprehensive meter.”

She hung up, glared at the meter in her hand, and set it on the counter.

“I broke the meter?”

“The meter is trying to tell me you’re a full lycanthrope. It is also claiming there’s no evidence of the lycanthropy virus present in your body.”

I scratched my head. “Okay, it’s obviously confused.”

“It’s great for mundane biologicals. It starts working with DNA and it loses its mind.”

“What else is it trying to tell you?”

“It’s a conflicted test, so it will be discarded. I’m unwilling to trust any of the results.”