Page 57 of Hoofin’ It

“I’m aware.”

“We’ll come back to the boxes. How did your court session go?”

“The jury has no idea how close I came to throwing up on them today.”

“What happened? What’s wrong?”

“The CDC happened. They decided to bring in an angel for an experiment involving giving me enough live lycanthropy virus to match someone who’d been infected for a decade. I have a low-grade fever. Exactly no one is surprised. At least they limited the number of times they cut open my arm. Juror Number Ten’s a fainter.”

My mother sighed. “Are you serious?”

“About Juror Number Ten? If she saw blood, she dropped like a rock. I’m still not sure whether it was the blood or if she’s a lycanthrophobe.”

“I meant about the virus injection.”

“Those jurors have no idea how close I came to throwing up on them. I think the angel knew, but he was too polite to say anything. I’m pretty sure the angel was a male. His name was Abrahaman, and he found us mortals amusing.”

“What angel?”

“The one they injected with my blood to demonstrate I wasn’t a contagion risk.”

“Have they lost their minds?”

I snorted. “That thought had occurred to me. I think they were pushing the point lycanthropes are humans, as only humans can be infected with lycanthropy. Since angels can be infected with the same diseases humans can but can purge themselves of just about anything, it was the only safe way to do the demonstration. Oh, I met a cougar lycanthrope today, too. She was about as big as Dad, and I’m pretty sure her hobby’s working out.”

“Are you sure you’re fine?”

“It’s just a fever, although I’m queasy enough I’ll probably skip dinner tonight.”

“Eat soup.”

“Mom, I can skip dinner tonight if I want to. I’m an adult.”

“So am I, and I’m a bigger, badder adult than you are. Eat your dinner, or I’m driving to Chicago. If I have to drive to Chicago, you aren’t going to like it.”

What sort of monster had I been in a previous life to deserve my parents? “Fine, Mom. I’ll have some soup.”

“When’s your next court session?”

“I’m done. The judge declared they’ve had sufficient chance to evaluate my character and isn’t entertaining any more personal questions or demonstrations. Then he mentioned something about cruel and unusual punishment while glaring at the CDC’s lawyer.”

“So you can come home for a visit?”

“Is the fridge clean?”

“Maybe.”

“I’m going to spend the next few days looking into job prospects. If the fridge can be verified clean by a reputable source, I’ll consider a drive to Nebraska to entertain you for a period up to a single week.”

“I’ve produced a cruel and unfair human being.”

While I knew Mom expected me to laugh, I couldn’t manage it. “Hey, Mom? Riddle me this.”

“What’s wrong, baby?”

“They had the family from the accident on the stand today.” I clacked my teeth together and inhaled long and deep before exhaling through my nose to calm my fraying nerves. “Mrs. Telleman decided the best way to show what she’s survived was to take off her shirt. She wasn’t wearing a bra.”

“Your poor virgin eyes. I bet that was not the sort of thanks you wanted, huh?”