Page 73 of Hoofin’ It

“Crooks, both of them.”

Marian’s frowned. “Did I just hear a vampire crime lord call someone else a crook?”

“Weird, isn’t it? Maybe later when we don’t have a time limit, he’ll give you some of his colorful commentary. If you want to know the inner workings of the government, crime, and crime’s influence on local economies, talk to Ernesto. There’s a reason the feds have wanted him for years.”

“There you go flattering me again. If you keep this up, I might think you like me.”

Vampires didn’t need their elbows, so I shot out both of Ernesto’s. It might challenge him when he fed, but he’d manage—probably. “Hardly.”

“You love me. You truly love me. If only you were the son of my loins instead of my heart.”

Shooting out the vampire’s shoulders was rude in addition to cruel and unusual punishment, but I figured if he were bored enough to push my buttons, he’d enjoy overcoming his temporary handicaps. “Hell no. I already have a psycho werewolf for a father and a half-incubus mother. I don’t need a vampire added to the mix.”

“Why is no one coming to investigate all this gunfire?” Marian muttered.

I pointed my Ruger at the corners of the room and the tiny cameras mounted near the ceiling. “He’s got his goons watching and listening to the whole thing, that’s why. They might get worried if I go for headshots, but this is nothing.”

“I thought you said you kneecapped vampires.”

“I just like starting with their knees. It’s a violent, wholesome way to say hello.”

“Violence isn’t exactly wholesome. Wholesome implies you leave them whole after you’re done saying hello.”

I looked over Ernesto’s mangled joints. “But I like it, Marian.”

“Obviously I’m talking to the wrong person in this room. Better question. Why don’t you beat the snot out of him for shooting you, Mr. Saven?”

“Do call me Ernesto, dear girl. It’s quite simple. He asked me not to.”

“Pardon? He… asked you not to?”

“Exactly so. He’s human enough it takes him a long time to heal, so I have to play with him in other ways. Last time, I sent Amy to his apartment to rearranged his furniture while he slept, and she rather enjoyed cuddling up to him for the evening. It’s the satin sheets. She loves satin sheets and a quiet, warm man to snooze beside. Also, he panics when he wakes up and he’s not alone in bed when he expects to be, which is so very entertaining.”

I holstered my Ruger so I wouldn’t be tempted to put a bullet in Ernesto’s throat. “You sent Amy over twenty-seven times last April. I got to the point I left the door unlocked so she wouldn’t have to waste time picking it. What I don’t understand is why she decided to clean the place from top to bottom.”

“Boredom.”

“Well, yes. That does tend to happen when you send her to my apartment twenty-seven times in one month.”

“Once for each time you shot me, and Amy is the only succubus I have on staff you won’t shoot on sight.”

I scowled. “Still. Twenty-seven times in one month.”

“You got me back for that, I’ll remind you.”

Marian sucked in a breath through clenched teeth. “Shane, are you seriously telling me you’re in a prank war with a predominant crime lord?”

“She’s such a flatterer, dear boy. I like her.”

No matter what I said, I’d lose. I’d either give Ernesto more ammunition against me or offend Marian. “Then that might work in my favor. Mark O’Conners was involved with her kidnapping and subsequent sale to a sex club in Des Moines. She was initially taken in New York City, recovered, then taken again.”

“Is this related to the corpse that fell on you?”

I should have known Ernesto already knew about the murder in New York. “If the corpse had fallen on me, I’d be dead, but yes. Marian was transformed into a rather angry alpaca for shipment.”

“Alpaca? Like a llama?”

“A cute, small version of a llama, yes.”