Page 18 of Murder Mittens

“More annoying than you?”

Damn. The lion was out for my blood, and my virus and I liked it. “Worse. I’m significantly outnumbered. I have forty-seven brothers.”

“As a general rule, we don’t…” The lion blinked. “Did you just say you have forty-seven brothers?”

“I have a little journal that keeps track of their names, which litter they’re from, and how I can tell them apart from my other brothers. I’m the youngest of the eighth litter, and technically, I’m not supposed to exist. I showed up several weeks late to the party, so I was born prematurely, as my asshole brothers forced me out when they were ready rather than when I was ready. I still hold this against them from time to time. I spent some time in the hospital, but because I’m a girl, the CDC footed the bill in exchange for monitoring my development rate as a premature birth with the lycanthropy virus. Apparently, I gave them really good data, and I love my parents a lot, but the hospital bill keeping me alive until I could survive without the help of a machine would have ruined them. So the CDC bailed me out quite a lot, really. And I’m grateful for that, which is why I do try to follow the rules.”

Sebastian led me to a small but cozy office in the heart of a maze, something the CDC liked to do to piss off guests and potentially lose them in their corporate labyrinths. His office had a loveseat, and I invited myself onto it, stretching my legs with a soft groan. “So, yes. I have forty-seven brothers. My momma really loves my daddy. A lot.”

“I vastly underestimated the problems in your life. While I did research into your day-to-day activities, I typically don’t research immediate family unless they’re living under the same roof as the target of my interest. The file said you belonged to a lynx clan, but it didn’t mention any more than a town and the precautions the clan takes to prevent the spread of the infection. There was a note that the CDC is interested in the clan expanding to help strengthen feline numbers in the United States, as there was a note about a prolific pairing.”

“That pairing would be my parents.”

“There was also a note to see if you would consent to testing to identify why you may have been conceived, as it’s rare for lycanthrope couplings to have daughters.”

“I recommend you test my father, as he’s the responsible party for my gender. My mother just seduced him, and I didn’t exist until post seduction. I was the product of a seduction several weeks after my brothers were conceived. Frankly, nobody knows why I’m actually alive. I bet you’re regretting your job right now, knowing just how stubborn I can be.”

“Hardly. I’m rather intrigued, as it isn’t often I get to thoroughly question a medical miracle.”

I wrinkled my nose at the thought of Sebastian indulging in the wrong sort of questioning. My virus also complained over the situation. Interest in my status as a medical miracle didn’t help my virus’s problem of wanting to mate with the only eligible male cat I’d ever met. According to her, Sebastian was as eligible and as male as it got, and I bet I’d find the furry bastard’s picture beside ‘cat’ in the dictionary. “You’re one of those, aren’t you?”

“One of what?”

“You’re one of those nosy freaks with an interest in science.”

“Yes, I am. I do rather enjoy studying. It’s one of my hobbies. I go home at night and indulge in a good book. Some nights, it’s a non-fiction book. Other nights, I explore various types of fiction. As your health is now my problem, I have a great many questions for you. I’ll likely begin with your family life, as part of my job as your handler is to be aware of the other considerations, including things that might distract you from your work. For example, hunters who feel their family will be threatened often are unable to perform. It’s my job to make certain those factors are managed to everyone’s general satisfaction.”

Well, if he wanted to know about my family life, he only had himself to blame for what he learned. “I’m a virgin because I have forty-seven brothers who act as chaperones, two parents who act as chaperones, and several uncles who also act as chaperones. I have a family of overprotective freaks who get upset if I do not check in at least three times a week. Said overprotective freaks felt guilty I was going to a spa in Cincinnati rather than to somewhere like Hawaii. Thanks to their guilt, I got to mug the bastards for their pocket change. That was fun, but they were well aware I’d be mugging them for their pocket change, so they put large bills in their wallets for me to steal to soothe their guilty consciences. My uncle felt so guilty over my status as a helpless female with no love life that he bought me a laptop and used the kittens to make certain I accepted it. It was chaos.”

According to Sebastian’s expression, he was not impressed with me. “Your family has no idea about your bounty hunting, do they?”

“My uncle, the bounty hunter handler, has no idea I’m into bounty hunting. I will rip your intestines out through your nose should you inform him of my side job. They happily think I’ve somewhat accepted my general scars and work in customer service, as I am more reclusive than the average lynx. My family? They have forgotten they are solitary cats and prefer living in a nice, big clan with as many kittens around causing trouble as possible. The fifteenth litter consists of five kittens, and they’re all adorable trouble. My ruthless asshole family used the kittens to make sure I accepted their gifts, as I am known to be stubborn. I can’t make the kittens cry, and they are growing to be proper lynxes, willing to use their cuteness and ferocity to get what they desire. They’ve finally gotten over my face, so I really don’t want to make the kittens cry.”

“I am well aware of your stubborn tendencies, and I do not require additional education regarding those tendencies.”

My virus really loved taunting the snooty lion too much for my comfort. The grumpier he got, the happier she became.

I needed to ditch the lion before I started siding with my virus even more than I already did. “It only gets worse from here. You’ll have to put up with me frequently. Should I send flowers as consolation gifts or are you the chocolate type?”

“One day, you are going to get what you deserve, and I will be there to enjoy every moment of it.”

As far as threats went, I liked his. It meant he’d be around a lot. The lion often annoyed me, but when he did, and I held my own against him, my virus settled for days at a time, pleased over having nettled him. As for what I deserved, I could think of a few things, including a scar-free face, landing a dedicated feline male for life, one I could bite to my heart’s content, and possibly enough chocolate to sink a battleship, served with enough coffee to float it. My virus interpreted the lion’s comment as an expression of his eligibility; the king of the jungle would make a suitable mate for us, and he roared so nicely.

Yep. My virus was about twenty-four hours from spiking in order to get what she wanted, which would make my life interesting when I went hunting in Cincinnati. In good news, my picky as hell virus wouldn’t accept any random male, which helped a lot.

Not just any potential tumble into bed met my virus’s criteria.

“I already accepted bounties in Cincinnati. That’s my retreat, and it’s pocket change I need,” I announced, determined to rein my virus in and redirect Sebastian back to work. “And there’s that asshole lycanthrope on the way to Cincinnati I need to take care of.”

“You’re going to insist on being stubborn, aren’t you?”

“Absolutely. But since you’re offering scar removal, I am willing to share my bounties with you.” My virus approved of my idea of dragging the lion with me. “But you’re going to have to pretend you’re an attracted male because I’m going to be romping around without any perfume. If you’re sniffing at my turf like every other single male lycanthrope in a mile radius, then nobody will look twice at you.”

“You use perfume?”

“It’s useful sometimes.” The CDC’s invention, meant to help single lycanthrope females stay single, cost a fortune, and they issued me a limited supply for bounties when they had a job they wanted me to do. “I need to get more, actually. My supply is low, and that shit’s expensive. Usually, I go without because it does a good job of luring out the unsavory lycanthropes.”

“That’s dangerous,” he growled.