Page 84 of License to Kill

“Karma is a bitch.”

He twitched. “That’s just awful.”

“Punning you with my name is a joy in my life. You look so pained whenever I do it.”

“Part of that is because you don’t let me do it, and I’m forced to accept being punished. With your name.”

“It’s my name, so you don’t get to pun it. Only I get to pun you with my name, and my willingness to pun you with my name comes and goes.”

He groaned. “I’m going to need some tender, loving care to recover from this.”

I grinned at him. “I have a list of people who deserve a serious dose of Karma, and I might be convinced to let you come with me.”

Still groaning, he oozed out of his chair and slumped to the floor in front of the fire. His position turned him into the perfect footrest, so I made use of him.

“Mercy,” he begged, “Please, have mercy.”

“Are you going to put up a fight about doing our own thing while you’re on leave ‘caring’ for me? Also, the instant you say that, everyone who knows us is going to assume you’re a pervert and are planning on seducing me.”

“Will you be merciful should I agree? And yes, they will. And yes, I am. That is my current plan. I will seduce you back into good health, feeding you when I’m not busy seducing you. I expect it will take at least a few days to teach you to just meekly accept my affection.”

Me? Meekly accept affection when being rough earned me handcuffs? I frowned. “What does this ‘meekly’ thing win me? Because so far, I earn a good time when I bite, Jake.”

“An even better time. I’ll have more energy to dedicate to you. It’s tough work catching my vixen so I can have my way with her.”

Interesting. I’d have to dance to his tune to see which way I enjoyed more. “I’m more likely to be merciful towards you. You’ll have to help me convince Mellisa, though. I don’t know if she’s corruptible.”

“She’s probably corruptible to a certain degree. We’d have to be careful about our approach, but she’s seen the aftermath of London, and she hates terrorists. She’s lost family.”

Interesting. “I want closure, Jake.”

I wanted to know why my ma hated me so much she wanted me dead—and that she’d kill Pops to get rid of me. I wanted to know who had paid her, how much she’d been paid, and get to the top of the chain and bring the whole group down. One day, I wanted to go home and be able to accept everything that had happened.

“Mellisa warned me you would have a lot of trouble with what happened to you. Depression, PTSD, and possibly other problems. That level of trauma doesn’t magically heal itself, and you’ll struggle with it for a long time. But if I can help you get closure, I will.” He rolled onto his back, plucked my shoes off, and tossed them in the direction of the door. He rubbed my feet. “There are limited things I can do, so I figured I’d stick to my strengths. Once I get you to bed, I’m good at making you forget how to speak English. I’m also somewhat talented at making you eat food. Beyond that, I can bench press you at my leisure. The rest of my skills aren’t really suitable for this, so I’ll make up the rest as I go.”

One question remained, and while the answer scared me, I needed to ask. “Why did you want me back so badly?”

“Because I love you. That was the one thing that was truly reaffirmed for me through all of this. I love you at your best, and I love you at your worst. And it’s not ‘did’ want you back. I do want you back. That you have been thoroughly beaten, and it’s on me to help you get back on your feet if you’ll let me. I screwed a lot up, and I expect you to make me work for your trust again. I’m under no delusions that you’ve showed up to give me a chance, but you’re not back. Not yet.”

I thought about it, but I came to one simple conclusion: like me, he’d been manipulated, hurt, and abused, although in different ways. He coped in other ways, but he’d suffered as much as I had. When I framed it that way, letting go and moving on was the easy part. The memories remained, but I could make a choice to accept my weaknesses so they might one day become my strength. “That me might not be able to come back, Jake.”

“Then I get to know the new you. The old me is fairly battered, too. It seems I’ve developed some trust issues, too.”

“Because your parents sabotaged us. Is that why?”

“That’s part of why.”

“We’re birds of a feather in that regard. Ma almost killed me because of that. At least your mother does care about you. She’s just prejudiced. Because I’m a fox and not a wolf.”

“If she wants a pack with me in it, she is going to undergo a transformation and become the most loving of mother-in-laws, without reservation. My dad is smarter, but he’s used to riding second to my mother, who tends to rule with an iron paw. Except her iron-paw tendencies did a lot more harm than good. Now that I know how to bring someone into a pack, we can form a pack of two if needed for a while—and we could bring Amelia and Mellisa into it. I called out west and asked how to bring humans or witches into the pack. That’s an option, and my father is aware that I might use that option to give you a chance to get better physically and emotionally.”

I considered it. “If Amelia needs a pack, we could, but I’m okay right now.”

Just hearing the wolves and my awareness of them comforted my fox.

“My parents would probably forgive me for bringing them both into the pack. I’m a rebellious son right now. Okay, I’d warn dad and get his permission to do it, but he won’t say no, and he’ll deal with my mother. He knows I’m going to do whatever is necessary to help you.”

I needed the help. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to go back into the FBI, Jake.”