Page 25 of Catnapped

I’d always wanted a nice camera.

As I’d already taken a dive into insanity and credit card debt, I picked a tablet with a pen so I could take notes without chopping down entire forests.

Darian followed me around with his selection of a single camera and his laptop, chuckling every time I added something to my cart, as I’d filled the basket within ten minutes of stepping foot into the store.

“You know, if you’re out to improve your general life, they sell consoles and televisions here. There’s no reason you can’t go on a bender and get some controllers, games, and everything you might need to transform yourself into a true gamer.”

My eyes widened. “But how would we carry the television around?”

“You don’t need a huge one to play games, and we’d just put it back in the box and stash it in the SUV between stops. The Devil won’t even blink twice about adding five minutes to his lecture to teleport everything to somewhere safe if needed, but I expect we’ll be driving a lot.”

I sighed and bowed my head. “I’m probably the only person in Miami who doesn’t own a car. I just cab or take the bus because my work is at a stop, and it’s only twenty minutes by bus. I picked my house because it was right near a bus stop and on the same line as my work.”

Darian stared at me, and his mouth dropped open. “You picked your house because of the transit system? You don’t even have a car?”

“I don’t have a car.”

“How can you do your job without a car?” he blurted.

“There are CDC vehicles at the office, and I use one of those if I have to be the driver. And I’ll drive the limousines sometimes, depending on the importance of the meeting and the secrecy involved. Driving the limousines can be fun.”

“Well, the more you talk about your work, the better I understand why the Devil is after you. He would definitely want a right-hand woman who could handle the touchy work—and doesn’t feel herself to be so superior she won’t handle driving. I’m just stunned you don’t have a car.”

“The grocery store is in easy walking distance. I haven’t missed having a car.”

“Add a personal vehicle to your hiring conditions. The Devil will enjoy the process, and he won’t miss the money. He can just take a gemstone from his many hells and sell it to a collector. There’s your new car, the taxes, your hiring bonus, and basically anything you want paid for right there. If he’s feeling particularly nasty, he’ll convince one of his brothers to sell the rock to a fanatic and offer a blessing. He gets double the price when he pulls that stunt, and he tends to share the profit with his brother. Angels tend to have a bunch of bills, and if some dumbass mortal wants to spend millions on a rock an angel or archangel said a few words over, that’s their business. If the mortal wants an actual miracle, the going rate is closer to five times that price.”

Ah-ha, mystery solved. “I’ve always wondered how angels made money. That is not in any of the files I have access to. I do have access to account information, but only the current balances. Some of the archangels? They’re ridiculously rich.”

“People will pay a lot when it comes to religion and superstition. Angels and archangels have no real concept of actual money. They understand the concept, but because they’re seriously lacking in the greed department, it doesn’t mean a whole lot to them. For example, my mother wanted a new car. It was not an expensive new car. Basically, she wanted something that would become a reliable junker in ten years and could fit a destructive child, me, in the back seat. My father opted to answer a request for a miracle to pay for it. The rich bastard was willing to pay millions for something he could have done at a hospital for much cheaper.” Darian laughed and added his stuff to the cart and took over pushing it. “So, he brings home millions to Mom so she could buy a cheap car. He’d never done anything like that before because Dad is pretty good about being mortal and made sure Mom always had just enough to get the things she really wanted. My father? He had a lot of adapting to do. My mom does good with her career, especially now, but when I was little? That wasn’t really the case. She freaked when my father came home with the money. And then she bought the best model of that same line for the car, because she didn’t want some stupidly expensive car. The rest went into my college fund and everything I might possibly need for the rest of my life, basically. When I escaped home, I made it clear Mom deserved the money for putting up with my fathers. I opted to earn my own way. That was when she bought her first luxury car, although she keeps a lot of the money around for emergencies. The other archangels have their ways of earning money, too, but my father likes visiting Lucifer and going the gemstone and miracle route. He often uses it as a way of bringing justice to false believers. Now that he’s discovered this trick, he pulls it often. He really likes securing justice through human greed, and my dad encourages him, because my dad loves nothing more than shepherding in some good old ruin on the deserving.”

Interesting. “Is that a warning not to accept blessed gemstones from archangels?”

“As a matter of fact, yes.”

“Noted.” I pointed at my new laptop. “This will run just about any game I want, correct?”

“Correct. That is why I selected mine. I brought a work laptop that can be confiscated without issue, and that is the one we’ll review data on as we investigate. The memory chips should generally suffice for keeping the other systems in our hands, and if they want to confiscate them, I have an archangel for a father, and I’m not against making use of my various aunts and uncles. It’s much easier to control what law enforcement is going to try to confiscate if a headless, winged menace is hovering and asking questions. Once an angel asks if something is really necessary, law enforcement tends to back off.”

“Okay. Anything else I’m missing for this?”

“We could use a scouting drone and a small camera if we think we’re about to go into a bad area.” Darian pointed across the store. “As you’re in the Devil’s sights, I’d rather not upset him taking unnecessary chances.”

“I’m just saying, there is no better loved cat on Earth than my Mr. Flooferson.” As he’d taken the cart, I aimed for the next section of the store destined to lighten my bank account. “I don’t suppose your dad or your father takes requests, do they?”

“You would be surprised what devils and archangels will do when asked. The thing is, most humans just won’t ask. They’ll pray for deliverance, but the angels and archangels aren’t the ones who typically answer those prayers, and He won’t do things He feels can be accomplished through other means unless He is feeling charitable. That is not often. A clever human might direct a prayer to a specific angel or archangel, however. And those sometimes do get answered—if the human walked the straight and narrow. Most don’t. Prayer is a lot like the concept of karma. You’re going to get back what you put in. Someone who spends all of their life helping others is more likely to find themselves the beneficiary of an unexpectedly answered prayer versus a churchgoer who prays daily for everything and everyone. Sincerity and frequency matter.”

I frowned, considering Darian and what I knew about my parents, who did hold a lot of faith in their religion and the general power of prayer without truly believing in His existence. “The churchgoers, as you call them, aren’t going to like that. But then again, the church my parents attend believes in the bible and its concepts but doesn’t hold much faith that He actually exists. Divines and magic are not real to them. They consider magic to be sacrilege.”

Darian stared at me as though I’d grown a second head. “Wait. Your parents go to church but don’t believe in the divine and magic?”

“Correct.”

“Are you sure you don’t need to be rescued from your family? I may not have a house yet, but I’m willing to revamp my entire apartment until I can buy a house if necessary to rescue you from that. That’s just crazy.”

“Says the man with two fathers.”

“That is crazy, but not as crazy as your parents wearing blinders, believing in a religion but refusing to believe that He actually exists.”