Page 48 of Catnapped

“Damn. I was hoping you did, because I certainly don’t. Oh, well. The only reason I’m a virgin is because I haven’t felt I have time to dedicate to the person I’d be sleeping with. I want a relationship to go with the sex. If I really wanted to ditch my virginity, I’d just walk to a brothel and cut a check for an incubus for a few hours.”

“And with an incubus, you’d be guaranteed to have a good time.”

“I might be a virgin, Darian, but I’m not a prude. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself as needed.”

Darian opened his mouth, made a thoughtful noise, and closed it.

“Go ahead and say it. As I said, I’m not a prude.”

“There are so many ways in which I can get myself into trouble. I would like a few minutes, possibly a few hours, to decide which approach I take. If I’m going to get into trouble, I wish to do so in a spectacular fashion. That way, when you kill me, my parents can write something interesting on my gravestone.”

I laughed. “Sure, Darian. That sounds like a plan. Take your time. Just announce you’re committing yourself into getting into trouble so I’m prepared. Where are we going for the night? I’m assuming we’re not headed back to our old hotel, as you checked us out of there despite the Devil footing the bill.”

“We’re heading for Red Bluff. If you want to call around and bag us a reservation, go for it. It’ll take us about two to two and a half hours to get there. While I’m not committing to getting myself into trouble capable of landing me in the grave, I will take you out for something to eat unless you would prefer bad room service.”

“It has been a long time since I’ve indulged in junk food.”

“Well, you’re going to be easy to please, then.” Darian shook his head, put the SUV into gear, and headed out of the tight confines of the trailer community to the overgrown path that would take us back to the main road. “Maybe I’ll get out of this alive.”

I went to work booking us a reservation for the night. “You better. You owe me a date.”

Twelve

“You aren’t seriously pissed already?”

Per Darian’s instructions, I reserved a room for us for two nights in Red Bluff. As we would need the space, I got the biggest one available, which had a king-sized bed and a sitting area with a couch, coffee table, television, and a tiny desk. When we arrived, we unloaded the SUV, transforming the room into a makeshift lab. The all-important scanner, brand new and ready to be calibrated, would drive me insane.

As part of my work with the CDC, I’d been taught how to calibrate the damned things in case of an emergency. To my disgust, the Devil and his wicked family of archangels had made a point of including every diagnostic doohickey required to successfully tame the machine.

“I am convinced the whole lot of them truly hates me,” I announced, taking over the coffee table so I could work some technological magic. “Do you know why my bosses had me trained on this shit?”

“In case you were with them during an emergency, and they didn’t have any lab techs around?”

“Disasters are generally more likely to happen when my bosses go to investigate something. They’re not sent out unless it’s really important, and they got tired of trying to find someone to calibrate a tool if it went haywire while out. So, I was trained on all the good scanners. The cheap ones? Wouldn’t know what to do with them if you beat me with it. But this model? I can make this model sing for you. Assuming Lucifer paid for it, it cost him at least a million, and once I’m done calibrating it, it’ll be able to tell us about just about any known substance. It takes a long time to run the tests, but if these samples are something the CDC has seen before, we’ll know about it within a few hours.” I glared at the metal cases containing the vials. “If we get infected with some sort of plague, I’m going to be seriously pissed.”

“You aren’t seriously pissed already?”

“Apparently not. I should be.”

“I’m very curious to see what you’ll do once you reach the seriously pissed stage.” Darian sat on the couch, making sure to give me enough space to work, and watched with interest. “Once you’re set up, I’ll guide you through how I like to record evidence, especially when dealing with samples. Once that’s set up, I’ll work on the fingerprint angle. With luck, the computers will be able to narrow the fingerprints down to a decent number that need manual confirmation. Reading fingerprints is a pretty tricky art.”

“Unless you happen to know an archangel and can ask.”

“I might know an archangel or two, but I’ve determined they’re assholes out for my virginity and marital status. If I ask, they’ll tell me they’ll do it if I do something to resolve my statuses. Does this mean I’m a pure maiden?”

Snickering, I began the tedious process of calibration, using the various tools to test the system, confirm the readings, install updated firmware as needed, and otherwise enslave myself to a ridiculously expensive portable computer with an attitude problem. “It’s sweet they think you’re such a prize. If you decide to play at being a damsel in distress, I’d consider rescuing you. But I’m not sure if being a sweet, pure maiden means you’re marriage material.”

“Hey! I am a prize. You should be honored to have been selected. Don’t you know what marriage to me wins you?”

“Beyond becoming an in-law of the Devil and sucked into the insanity of the high heavens and the many hells? Do you know what that lot causes? Trouble. Do you know what the children of that lot causes? Even more trouble. You, sir, are nothing but trouble.”

“I cannot deny this accusation.” Then, to make it clear he found nothing at all wrong with my opinion, he smirked at me. “I’d even consider wearing a gown for your amusement and swooning, but you’d have to play the part and dress up like a gentleman in exchange. Honestly, I find women in suits to be rather attractive. Skirts are lovely, but a confident woman in a good suit definitely catches my attention.”

Someone needed to inform Darian his smirk classified as a dangerous weapon. Afterwards, someone needed to take me in for some serious talks with a shrink to discuss how much I liked the smug look on tall, dark, and handsome men.

Yep, he was trouble. If he kept checking off my various boxes for what I liked in a man, I would be in trouble.

“I feel the Christian pantheon is unfairly using my interest in tall, dark, and handsome men against me.” I wrinkled my nose and glared at the meter, which would be put to serious work helping us figure out what the lab had been researching. “While I do this, why don’t you work with the paperwork? I’m hoping you can manifest the address of where they have taken my cat, honestly.”