Page 34 of Client from Hell

“Yeah, that’s a little over the top, even for him. He usually goes for things like the Civic—practical and in his target’s comfort zone. Lucifer had to ease Kanika into things, and she’s still not all that good at handling gifts. Malcolm? He prefers receiving his gifts in key format. He wants to be handed the keys, and he wants to go look for his new toy. Lucifer will protect the car, hide it somewhere, give Malcolm some clues, and set him loose. Malcolm has a great time, Kanika has a great time because she goes with him, and everybody is happy. Lucifer goes top end for cars for Malcolm because he’s an enthusiast. I have no idea why we’re here. Are you an enthusiast?”

I got out of the SUV and spent a shameful amount of time staring at the car with the bow on it. “I think I am now?”

Chuckling, the incubus nodded. “Honestly, I’d convert shortly after seeing that baby, too. Maybe he’s getting ahead of himself and assumes it’s a present for both of us. You’d let your bed buddy drive your car, right?”

“I’d put my bed buddy on the co-owner papers for that car, especially when the bed buddy is an incubus guaranteed to be a considerate lover who shows me a good time. We will have to make arrangements for who gets custody of the car at what times, however.”

“Honestly, I can teleport. If you need the car, you get the car. I’ll just take it on a spin when you don’t need it. I’m good enough at teleporting now I could probably take the car with me, but I’d want to practice on some scrap heaps first. Consider me motivated.”

“Wait, are you saying you could teleport us and the car somewhere to explore?”

“Yes, that’s what I’m saying.”

I leaned over so I could stare at him before admiring the car, and I struggled to decide which was better: the bed buddy, the fact the bed buddy could teleport my new car, or my new car. “How are you not married yet?”

“I lie, steal, play pranks when bored, and otherwise do a good job of being a rather miserable excuse of a being. I’m just showing you my good side as part of my application to be your bed buddy.”

“View showing me your good side as an ongoing part of the bed buddy hiring arrangement. Right now, we have a functional bed buddy arrangement underway. Really, I don’t give a shit if you decide to lie to others, but keep the lying you do to me to the white lies, like you don’t think a bra looks good on me. I don’t mind being pranked, but don’t make the pranks humiliating. If you steal my wallet, give me clues on how to find it, and I’ll be all right with it unless I need my driver’s license.”

“How about I just promise to remove your driver’s license from the wallet? You’re on your own for the rest.”

I nodded. “I can cope with that. I don’t like being humiliated, especially in public. I’ll keep a spare credit card somewhere if you steal my wallet. That said, I do not view my panties and bras being hung from a chandelier as humiliating, as I don’t think there’s anything humiliating about being a woman. Do some research before you prank, and you’ll be fine.”

“But will you participate in the pranking?” Jonas asked in an amused tone.

“Let me see if that green baby is my new car, and I’ll get back to you on that.”

Jonas headed for the dealership’s front doors, and he whistled a merry tune. I followed, careful to watch my steps, as I doubted I’d heal all that well if I tripped and took a fall. Breaking something being stupid would not help my day—and could the Lamborghini even fit a cast?

“For the record, I’m never going to lie about what I think is sexy, because if I don’t like the bra, I pay for this in being exposed to the bra I do not like later, and I’m selfish.” Jonas circled the Lamborghini twice, cooing to the vehicle before coming to a halt and pouting at me. “Lucifer’s tricky.”

Pouting was a good look on the incubus. “What makes him tricky?”

“That car is temptation, and he got the car for you, so the only way I have access to the car is if I stay your bed buddy. Since you’ve made it clear you view me as someone to warm your bed and I can bugger off otherwise, he’s trying to work me over at the same time he’s flinging presents your way so you’re more likely to want to put up with him. Lucifer is tricky.”

I considered him, and then I eyed the Lamborghini with interest. “That scheme isn’t just tricky. It’s ruthless. You like cars that much?”

“I like cars so much I pissed off a mafia group and got transformed into a chipmunk as a result. That’s what brought my sister to hell. She wanted to become the fucking queen of the place so she could get me transformed into a humanoid form. Basically, I was the catalyst for one hell of a catastrophe.”

“I would like a bedtime story about how your sister became Lucifer’s queen and how you were the catalyst of this catastrophe. I’d also like details on this whole chipmunk thing.”

“I was poisoned with transformatives of the permanent variety. My sister found out Lucifer was the only one who could give me a human-like shape, so she opted to storm the gates of hell. She took two archangels with her. Lucifer fell head over heels in about ten seconds.”

“Well, your sister is pretty beautiful.”

“Sandra, she had him licking out of her hand within minutes.”

“So?”

“She’s my sister.”

I rolled my eyes. “And she’s been married to Lucifer for how long now?”

“I try my best not to think about that,” he admitted.

“You have issues, Jonas.”

“I really do, and one of those issues is that Lucifer goes out of his way to make me as uncomfortable as possible.”