Page 44 of Client from Hell

“I can, but I won’t—he asked me not to. He wants her to trust him in all ways, so that means he has to lure her into the water for some shoreline shenanigans all on his own. He’s making progress. He got her in to her waist once, but then a rogue wave knocked her over and she bolted back to dry land.”

To make my life easier, I drew a symbol for light in the dust, and to activate it, I blew on it until the room glowed in a gentle radiance. I approached the cages with the smaller animals, peering inside. Most of the animals paid me little notice, too exhausted to do anything other than breathe. I decided to try one of the otters first, as they seemed least likely to inflict significant damage to me. I cracked open the cage, reached inside, and waited to see what the otter would do.

It stared, but it otherwise remained still and quiet.

I eased my hand under its frail body, pulled it out of the cage, and cradled it against my chest, cooing to it. “Do you know what type of otter this is?”

“Asian small claw. That’s a pretty common type of otter.” Jonas checked the other cages and listed species, pointing at a pair sharing a cage. “Those are Japanese river otters, and they’re supposed to be extinct.” Crouching down, the incubus counted cages. “They have twenty-six pairs of them. Lucifer is going to be beyond delighted with this. He likes otters, and he’s had a habitat for these guys set up for years, but he’s never been able to get any—not a single one. To get twenty-six breeding pairs? It’s going to be like Christmas for him.”

“Do you think he knows these assholes have had them?”

“No. If he thought there were extinct species here, he would have attended to this place personally.”

I pet the otter I held, which made a whining noise and cuddled close. “They couldn’t have been treated too badly before the lions and tigers got them. Look at this baby.”

“Yes, that is a baby. Not quite sexually mature yet, and yes, I don’t smell any fear from her. She’s a female.” Jonas eyed the other Asian small clawed otters and pointed at another cage. “That male is not far from her age, they are not related, and I sense the markers of being compatible with her. They’d make a good breeding pair. You can have an otter habitat in your home if you want. They can be quite affectionate, and these won’t be able be able to be released in the wild because of the lycanthropy infection, unless we figure out a way to purge them of the virus. We don’t know if it can be done yet.”

“But infected animals are better than dead animals, even if they can’t be released back into the wild, right?”

“Exactly. Hold onto that little lady, and I’ll see what we’ve got she can eat.” Jonas hurried to the freezers on the other side of the room, which could hold enough to feed an entire army. After checking several, he began digging around, pulling out plastic bags loaded with fish. “And they’re even listed by species. These animals must have been a long-term project, either that or the workers weren’t utterly abusive twats. The freezers even have detailed feeding instructions by species. I’ll be taking photos of that, and we’ll see what we can do to improve their diet once they’re safe in the conservatory.”

“How do you know so much about these animals?” I asked, and I pet the poor little otter hoping my attention would comfort her. “You’re an incubus, not a vet.”

“Ah, but I’m an incubus who helps with the conservatory to keep my sister from losing her shit. The otters I knew more because of Lucifer’s obsession with that part of the conservatory. The otter habitats aren’t far from his horse habitats, and he can’t resist the otterly charming residents.”

I twitched. “You’ve been waiting to use that for years, haven’t you?”

“It was really hard picking which one to use on you. They’re otterly irresistible puns. There’s just so many good ones.”

If I thought heaven would help me, I’d ask, but I suspected He would laugh and find a way to make the situation worse. “I’m not sure I’m ever going to recover from your verbal slaughtering of my person, Jonas.”

The incubus leered at me. “I’m sure I’ll be able to come up with an otterly wonderful therapy plan for you.”

“What did I do to deserve this?” I complained.

“I’ll start with your decision to torch one of my sister’s houses.”

When he phrased it that way, he had every justification to take me out through the clever use of words twisted to inflict maximum anguish. “Yeah, I guess any of his houses are hers, too, aren’t they?”

“Basically. Unfortunately for you, she has almost as big of a crush on the arsonist as Lucifer does, so I’m going to enjoy blackmailing you to keep quiet over my knowledge of your misdeeds.”

“Burn down one house,” I muttered. “Make with the thawing magic so I can feed this little sweety,” I ordered.

Still chuckling at me, he did as told, and he brought the bag of thawed fish over. “The directions say to give the young ones five of these, and the adults get ten. Give them however many they’ll eat. Just watch for them slowing down and give them some time between each fish so they have a chance to digest. In the meantime, I’ll see what I can do about the lions and tigers without them escaping and trying to eat us.”

“If you get eaten by some damned cat, I’m going to be pretty upset with you, Jonas. If you get bitten or clawed, I’m going to be pretty upset, too. Being bitten or clawed will interfere with bed buddy time.”

“I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

“Those are famous last words, Jonas, and the rule about famous last words is that the wise should never say them.”

“Should they prove to be famous last words, you can punish me however you see fit.”

I scowled at the incubus. “Doesn’t that mean you’ll just get bitten or clawed just so you’ll get punished? You’re an incubus, and I’ve been warned you’re a particularly needy one.”

“A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do,” he replied before returning to the freezer to help feed the distressed animals. “If your rewards are better than your punishments, I’ll work to avoid being punished. That’s how this works.”

“You’re something else, Jonas.”