Page 59 of Client from Hell

“Virgin spicy ponies with bite are a delicious treat to be savored. You asked for this, so don’t complain.”

“It feels like you’re taking a hot poker to my ovaries!”

“I could have done this the slow way, but no, the virgin spicy pony with bite is impatient, so you get the hot poker to the ovaries. In exchange, you’ll get a great deal of satisfaction starting in a few hours. Several of those hours will be you sleeping off the torture, but I have excellent ways of waking women so they don’t mind being disturbed.”

I clacked my teeth together to keep the latest stream of profanities at bay. “You’re not tricky, you’re evil.”

“Thank you,” he replied, and the bastard dared to smirk at me. “I’m looking forward to proving just how right you are. You’re the one who wanted me to move the timeline up. You only have yourself to blame for this. I’m just doing what you wanted. There is good news for you, however. You only have to deal with this for about five more minutes. When I get to serious work on your uterus, it’s going to hurt so much you’ll pass out, after which I’ll get a move on, tuck you into bed, and wait until you’ve recovered enough you and your virus will be helpless against my charms. I’m going to enjoy it very much. Most days, I do quite loathe those monogamous tendencies of mine, but on days like today? It’s good to be me. It’ll be good to be you in a few hours.”

Unfortunately for me, Jonas had done a damned good job of tying me to the kitchen chair. “That better not be a damned boast. If that’s a boast, you will pay.”

“I see my spicy pony with bite is hungry despite enduring a torture session. I’m going to make sure I thank Him at Christmas dinner this year.”

As Jonas’s evils knew no bounds, he ramped up on dishing out the misery, and true to his word, I lasted no more than five minutes before I clocked out.

The next time he needed to do any work on me in a hurry, I would request the strongest sedatives money could buy and the sworn word of some divine I wouldn’t wake up during the procedure. I would also have the base common sense to specify I wake up without being influenced by an incubus on a mission.

Remembering his claims humans tended to lack the fortitude to resist when incubi came out to play, I got out of bed without jumping him, although I hissed at the burning heat insisting I indulge in his person immediately. “You’re pure evil.”

Before I learned the art of seduction, I needed a shower. I scowled, wondering which of the three doors out of the bedroom would take me to a bathroom or a hallway leading to a bathroom.

Jonas, who still wore his clothes and lounged on the spacious bed, grinned at me. “You deserve credit. You are already ahead of most influenced humans. Well done. You are exceptional. You’re also very hungry.”

No kidding. “Where’s the bathroom?”

With a sensuous chuckle, Jonas pointed at one of the doors. “How long are you going to leave me waiting?”

“That depends on several factors.” I cracked open the door to confirm it led into a bathroom. Apparently, Lucifer needed every creature comfort possible, and I debated making the spacious room my permanent residence, as it had a massive walk-in shower, a tub large enough for two with room to spare, and two vanities allowing for a couple to have space and only share if they wanted to. “First, it depends on if that tub has heaters to go with its jets.”

“It does.”

“Second, will that shower survive through an incubus’s naughtiness?”

“Lucifer broke it once, but it wasn’t due to naughtiness. It was due to my sister tossing in a grenade to see what would happen. She wanted a new bathroom, and he had annoyed her. She discovered grenades do very little to a fallen angel named Lucifer, and she got the renovation she wanted since she trashed most of the bathroom. While my sister threw the grenade, Lucifer takes the blame for that specific incident, as he was trying to rile her up because he likes her hungry.”

I spent a few moments pondering how satisfying it might be to fling a grenade at Lucifer. “She really got a good deal when she married him. He pisses her off, and she gets to throw grenades at him without doing anything other than some property damage?”

“Yep.”

“How is that even fair?”

“It’s really not. When I asked my sister that, she told me it was good to be the queen. Then she told me to go find something productive to do with myself because lowly brothers of the queen don’t get to be called princes. She broke my heart. I could have been a prince, but no. I’m just some pauper.” Jonas slid out of bed and joined me, peering into the bathroom. “Showers are a little more advanced than you want to start with, as there are tricks involved with indulging without cracking your head into the tiles. Baths are a wonderful place to indulge, as the heaters will keep us pleasantly warm for however long we wish to indulge. However, your virus will get very upset about the bath, because the water makes it more difficult for it to do its work, so it would be tested trying to tame me. As such, I recommend a quick shower or a non-indulgent soak before I take proper care of you in bed.” Jonas smirked. “Of course, we could take a non-indulgent soak together, as there’s nothing quite as pleasant as some extended frustration before I get to work my best magic on you.”

That smug, confident grin of his would drive me as crazy as the thought of him without his shirt on. I pointed at the tub. “That better not be all talk, Jonas. If that’s all talk, I’m going to be inconsolable.”

Striding into the bathroom, Jonas headed for the tub. “When I’m finished with you, you’ll be ruined for all other men. I have dessert to savor, and all that work has made me hungry.”

I tossed aside my common sense along with my clothes. “Ruin me, then. Do I look like I have all day to you?”

I learned a valuable lesson: only a fool challenged an incubus or tweaked his pride. Having done both in one fell swoop, I figured I had deserved to be reduced to an exhausted mess at Jonas’s mercy. Every time I attempted to escape to regroup and catch my breath, he caught me and made use of his wicked magic to banish my feeble attempts to restore my common sense.

Surrendering seemed wise, as I couldn’t manage to crawl away without him snagging me by my ankles and demonstrating yet another way an incubus could torment an unsuspecting woman in the best of ways. “You win.”

Jonas chuckled, although he didn’t release my ankles. With a sensuous growl, he dragged me back to his side on the bed. Instead of resuming his sinful work, he snagged the discarded blanket and tossed it over us. “You lasted hours longer than I thought you would. Spicy ponies with bite have good endurance, and I think I even managed to tame that rowdy virus of yours.”

“How are you not exhausted?” I complained, debating if I could worm off the bed to appease my growling stomach. Never again would I cast any blame on anyone ensnared by an incubus or succubus. Once off his leash, Jonas meant serious business. “Why aren’t you some limp noodle, incapable of moving at all? You just grabbed me and hauled me back to bed as though I weigh nothing.”

The treatments had done me a world of good, and while I could still count most of my ribs, a few had gone into hiding, and I even had the start of curves back. I had a way to go until I considered myself to be healthy, but I no longer winced when I looked in the mirror.