Page 56 of Whiskers on Kittens

“They were born with robust viruses. Don’t worry. The kittens will be fine. If I thought they wouldn’t be fine, I would be breaking the rules and handling the matter personally,” Darlene replied. She smiled, and she came over to give me a kiss on my cheek. “You’re so sweet.”

“Can we talk about the plan now?” Lucifer asked, and he pointed at his model. “I even made this so we can discuss the plan better.”

“We don’t need a plan,” Darlene announced.

“We need a plan.”

“We do not need a plan. We will have at least thirty armed mafia men and women who want to clean this house just as badly as we do. We have a lycanthrope who can carve a hole in the steel door leading into the place. We’ll be providing complete body gear for everyone involved so even if the fucking assholes have weapons, they’ll be useless against us. We’re prepared. They’re not. We’re just going to assassinate anyone in the joint in a systematic fashion.”

“You could just send your incubi and succubi in armed with knives,” I suggested. “They can take the upper floors while we handle the ground floor. If everyone in this building has earned their trip straight to hell, we may as well just go for brutal efficiency. Why get more exercise than necessary?”

Easton stared at me with wide eyes. “You want to ambush them.”

“I’m sure the demons can handle something like that. Right, Lucifer?”

“They would love it. The vampires might be willing to help, too.”

I went for my phone, dug out Ernesto’s contact, and dialed.

“How can I help?” Ernesto answered.

“We’re taking out a SoHo warehouse loaded with pedophiles and traffickers. Want to come out and play with us? Lucifer thinks you might be game for a trip to New York for tonight’s activities.”

“I would be honored to join you. Ask Lucifer if I should invite the denizens of the third level.”

“Lucifer, Ernesto wants to know if the denizens of the third level should be invited to the party.” Rather than deal with relaying messages, I put the phone on speaker. “It’s on speaker,” I warned the vampire.

Lucifer’s smile chilled me. “Hello, Ernesto. It would be my honor if they would come out. I will extend an invitation to the New York hive as well.”

“Good. Issue my regards and thanks for their support. Are you really sure you want them all?”

“This filth is a scourge upon this Earth, and their crimes end tonight. You’ll have to play nice with the new New York mafia group, but you’ll find them similarly aligned. Competitors, yes, but cordial competitors. Young Kelsie can be your contact with their Carrie.”

“Ah. I know of Carrie. This is acceptable. They are cleaning house in New York, then?”

“It simply wouldn’t do to bring my cindercorns into this matter. I need them for something else, and this would shred their sanity—and they would focus solely on New York City and surrounding areas, which would interfere with my plans. So, we work without bringing the NYPD specifically into this mess. This mafia group will be distracting the police tonight with criminal mischief exclusively punished with community service, which will be served with a startling amount of enthusiasm for a bunch of crooks.”

“I want to do community service,” Ernesto complained.

“Alas, we are partaking of felonies tonight, but I am sure Kelsie would love to take you out with her on one of her escapades.”

I giggled, as I really would enjoy the whole idea of pulling pranks on people we knew and getting a criminal mischief slap on the wrist for doing it. “I’m game, Ernesto.”

“Please, no,” Easton whispered.

We laughed, and I laughed the hardest. “I’m sorry, Easton. I can’t help it. It’s going to happen. And I like community service. I’m going to bring a crime lord down to my level.”

“Don’t you mean up?” the cop replied, tilting his head.

I hissed at the hybrid male, not sure how to handle his commentary. My virus swooned at the compliment.

Lucifer grinned, strolled over, and patted the hybrid’s shoulder. “Strong, independent women like her struggle to accept positive forms of attention at first. I’m sure you can crack through her shell. Eventually, she’ll stop hissing. Unfortunately, she can’t purr.”

“Well, that’s sad,” Darlene said, and she gave me a hug. “I’m sorry. Purring is magical. But at least you can roar?”

“She can’t roar,” the Devil informed his wife.

The succubus gasped, flung herself away, threw an arm across her brow, and collapsed to her knees. “No! No! It can’t be. She can’t purr? She can’t roar? Where is the joy in life?”