Page 188 of May: Bloom & Bane

His eyes soften, lavender and gold swimming with tenderness.

“I won’t,” he breathes. “I promise. No more hiding from you.”

CHAPTER 55

rahnové

—ASHÁN

The weight of months I’ll never get back holds me down like a collapsing tomb. The wail of a newborn I never got to hold, two tiny eyes the color of my own shadow blinking up at me.

You left us in the dark. My daughter’s first words, in my voice, are an accusation I will carry until the universe burns out.

Every second in the void is an eternity of grief. I’m forced to watch this play out with no way to escape.

Eden has moved on, cradling a life I was stolen from because of that drávh dust. (Damned) Will she even tell Vaelína about me? That she has another father?

You left us in the dark.

It loops over and over, gnawing at my sanity, tearing my soul to ribbons until there is nothing left of me but the freezing, howling wind of my own failure. I am drowning in it.

The dark fractures and a blinding surge of golden light flows over the void. My eye snaps open, and the warm spring daylight of the meadow drains from the sky, replaced by darkness and a swollen moon.

The temperature plummets. My breath plumes in a thick white cloud as I gasp for air. A thin, crackling sheet of frost creeps over the colorful petals around me, freezing them mid-bloom.

I am so disoriented that my mind still feels like it’s trapped in the agonizing horror of the void.

“Eden!” I rasp, my wing snapping outward, fingers clawing at the frost until they collide with warm, bare skin. My fingers wrap around her shoulders, dragging her small body against my chest. I shove my face into the crook of her neck, inhaling her scent like a dying man. My hands scramble over her, clutching her jaw, her hair, the curve of her waist, desperate to confirm she’s real and this isn’t a trick.

My hand smooths over her stomach. There’s barely a swell. She’s still pregnant—still carrying our daughter.

It was just a nightmare.

A sob slips out of me, and the frantic strength from earlier drains from my muscles all at once. I collapse over her, a sliver of my shadow wrapping around her belly, reaching for the tiny spark I was so certain I lost. Vaelína answers my darkness the way she always has, enveloping it without an ounce of fear.

I didn’t miss it. I didn’t miss her.

“You’re here,” I rasp, my voice still raw from screaming in the void. I pull back enough to stare at Eden’s face, my hands refusing to stop where they frantically move over her.

“How long? How long was I under, ash’kaela?”

Her head lolls against my shoulder, her breathing slow and even.

“Ash’kaela,” I murmur, gathering her carefully into my lap, cradling her against my chest where the cold can’t chill her. A shadow-tendril sweeps beneath us, lifting her off the frostbitten clover. “Eden. Come back to me. I need to see your eyes.”

I brush my knuckles along her cheek, my skelva absurdly gentle. She turns instinctively into the warmth.

“That’s it,” I breathe. “There you are. Wake up.”

Her lashes flutter a few times before she opens them; the same pale green eyes I watched in my memories every second I was gone find mine.

She blinks up at me, her gaze drifting sleepily over my face. The instant she registers I’m back, her breath catches.

“Ashán?” she whispers.

Her face crumples, tears spilling down her face. She wraps both of her small arms around my neck.

“You’re back,” she chokes. “You finally came back.”