Page 87 of Heart of Night and Fire

“Fine,” she said, pulling the plate in front of her and digging in.

After breakfast, Zarya asked for directions to the library and learned there was more than one. She hoped she’d have time to explore them all, but she asked for the biggest one to start with. She’d had little opportunity to explore her magic in private and was hoping the Ravanas’ library would have something that might be useful.

To date, she hadn’t been able to get her hands on any reliable books on magic. When she’d asked around, she was told the only ones in Dharati were housed in the palace and were only accessible to those who had permission from the queen. Zarya thought about what Vikram had said about yakshis wanting to keep their magic pure and wondered if this withholding of knowledge was a nefarious tactic on their part.

Nevertheless, she had wanted to avoid arousing attention or suspicion by requesting access to them. How would she explain to the magnificent Rani Vasvi why a simple human girl from the swamps needed to read about magic?

She stood in the doorway for a moment, taking in the vast library. A giant staircase spiraled up the center of the room, allowing access to the rows and rows of shelves that stretched overhead. Giant globes sat on the floor, and Zarya passed them, taking in the sights of continents far away that she only hoped she might visit someday. The world was so large and hers had been so small for so many years.

She roamed the stacks, exploring shelves at random, picking up books and flipping through the pages. She wondered if there was someone she could ask for help, but as always, she was wary of revealing too much to strangers.

As if reading her thoughts, a voice pierced the quiet. “Can I help you find something?”

She spun around to find Vikram leaning against a shelf with his arms folded and one ankle crossed over the other. He looked especially handsome today in a dark kurta and fitted pants. Usually so buttoned-down in his soldier’s uniform, she’d never seen him dressed so casually.

“Just looking for something new to read,” she said. “How did you know I was here?”

“Yasen mentioned you’d gone in search of books, and I figured you’d head for the biggest library first. Before you leave, you should visit the one off the conservatory. It’s smaller but even more beautiful.”

She nodded. “Thanks for the tip. I’ll keep it in mind.”

Vikram unfolded himself and approached her, stopping when there was only a foot between them. “I could show you if you like.”

“Vik—” She stopped herself, not sure what she wanted to say. She’d been thinking about the events of yesterday over and over. Of what she’d learned and what his future would be. Also, of how Amrita had ambushed her before she’d fallen into bed last night.

Did she want to continue a relationship with someone who could never truly be hers?

“I know I broke your trust,” Vikram said. “But I want to try to earn it back.”

“To what end? You can’t be with me openly, and I have no interest in sneaking around with you. Amrita. She—”

She wasn’t sure how to voice what the princess had told her last night.

“Amrita told me what she said to you.”

“Oh. How do you feel about that?”

“I would… be open to it… if you were. The imposition of celibacy is an archaic rule that many believe should have been done away with centuries ago. It was intended as a failsafe to protect the purity of the yakshis and nothing more. Not everyone would look down on me if I were to break it, and I can live with the judgment of those who would. They have no idea what they’re talking about.” His expression sharpened. “And I wasn’t lying when I said how I feel about you.”

Zarya hesitated. She cared for him, too, and despite everything, she believed he had a good heart. There was no denying she was attracted to him, but she wasn’t sure if this was what she wanted. She’d barely had the chance to live. How could she even know what she wanted yet?

“Okay,” she replied. “I need time to think about it. It’s not that I don’t also care for you, but it’s a lot to consider.”

A spark of joy lit up his eyes, and she resisted the urge to tell him not to get his hopes up. She didn’t want to hurt him, and she also didn’t know how to let someone down easily.

“Thank you. That’s all I ask,” he said. “I can be patient.”

She nodded and smiled then. “Sure. Of course. Thanks for not pushing me.”

He levered himself off the shelf where he’d been leaning. “Now, can I help you find anything? I know this place quite well. Unlike my friend Yasen, I happen to like reading.”

She laughed and shook her head. “If it’s okay with you, I’d rather just explore on my own. A library like this is something I’ve only dreamed of. I might be here for hours.”

“Of course,” he said, placing a hand over his heart and then tipping his chin. “Enjoy yourself. Feel free to send word if you decide you need a guide.”

“I will.”

He left her alone, and she let out a breath, confused about him and this strange situation she now found herself in. Putting it out of her head, she continued her quest for a magic book, scanning the shelves and picking up anything that looked promising.