Page 108 of Dance of Stars and Ashes

He shook his head. “I’m just not used to anyone touching me there. It’s not exactly the most pleasant thing to look at.”

“I’m not afraid,” she said. “It’s a part of who you are.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“I am,” she said. He took her hand and placed it on his back, his jaw hard but his eyes brimming with something that felt like trust. She accepted the invitation, tracing the ridges and grooves, feeling the echoes of his pain at her fingertips.

“When did it happen?” she whispered, watching a shiver roll down his spine.

“I was about twelve and was finally learning to control it,” he said. “But I had to shift regularly, or it would start to eat at me, clawing to get out. I also loved flying. It was the only time I felt free. One night, I snuck out and spent hours in the sky, stretching my wings and soaring as high as I could.

“When I came back, my father was waiting.”

Rabin stopped for a moment, gathering himself.

“He’d been drinking, and I was already lost before I even said a word. He forbade me from ever allowing anyone to see my dragon, and I tried to explain that was impossible, but he wouldn’t hear it.

“He called for his guards and told them to strip off my clothes and pin me to the floor. And that’s when he did this.” He flicked his head towards his back. “He carved each letter slowly, making sure they were deep enough to mark me forever. I remember just screaming.

“When he was done, he decreed that no one was allowed to heal my wounds, and then he left me there. Lying on the ground, alone, afraid, broken. If I didn’t have the gift of rakshasa healing, then it would probably have killed me. Instead, I was left with this.”

Zarya’s mouth opened with a breath.

“That’s horrific,” she said, and he shrugged, but the gesture felt forced.

He sat up and held out his arm, showing her the ladder of scars she’d seen that night in the forest.

“I tried desperately to control it,” he said. “After that, whenever I felt the need to shift coming on, I’d cut myself. The release of blood helped ease the pressure, but the shift was inevitable. The only thing it did was delay it until it almost drove me out of my mind.”

She wrapped her hand around his wrist and held it.

“As soon as I was old enough, I joined the army just to put some distance between us,” he said.

“Is this why you didn’t change when we were on the boat? I was wondering why you didn’t just fly yourself over the water.”

He ran a hand down his face.

“I don’t… like showing that side of myself to others.”

“You did it when you saved me that night.”

“I did,” he replied.

“What about when Amrita was taken?”

“It was just you and Yasen, and I didn’t want those things anywhere near you. I’d do it a thousand times again if it kept you safe.”

“Is this why you left Daragaab?” she asked, tucking away that heartfelt admission to examine later.

“Eventually, yes.”

“I’m so sorry,” she said.

He grunted something that sounded like “whatever” and rolled off the bed. Then, he dragged her towards him, scooping her into his arms.

“What are you doing?”

“You need a rinse,” he said, carrying her into the small but opulent bathroom. “You were a very dirty girl last night, and I need to clean you up.”