Page 95 of Dance of Stars and Ashes

“It’s hard to comprehend.”

Rabin smiled at her, still leaning on his elbows. “Thank goodness you’ll have more time than that.”

He gave her a significant look that she chose to ignore. They could be friendly, but he was still on the road to groveling back into her good graces.

“What was it like being Daragaab’s commander for all that time?”

He stretched his neck, clearly considering his words.

“Bloody and brutal,” he says. “But it also made me feel alive.”

There was a rawness in his voice as he stared into the distance, the horizon of Daragaab’s shore fading away.

“Will you come back?” she asked. “I don’t think Yasen wants the job.”

Rabin’s gaze flicked to her. “Why not?”

“I’m not sure, but I don’t think that was ever his ambition. I don’t think he likes being in charge.”

Rabin let out a long breath. “I don’t think Vik would choose me. There’s probably some noble whose favor he needs to curry, who will serve as a more diplomatic choice.”

Zarya raised a brow. “That seems like a dubious reason to select someone to lead your army.”

Rabin shrugged. “Such is the way of royals and courts.” His words bore an edge of bitterness.

“Why did you leave?” she asked. Maybe this was none of her business, but she was burning with curiosity. His gaze shifted to her. She couldn’t describe what she read on his face. Too many conflicting emotions flashed in his eyes.

“That’s a long story,” he said, a bite still in his words.

“Does it have to do with your father?”

“In part,” he said, but he didn’t elaborate.

“I understand what it’s like to carry the pain of those who try to control you.”

“How do you know that’s what he did?” he asked.

She shrugged. “You said that to him. That he had no control over your life anymore. When I overheard you in the garden.”

“One day… I’ll kill him,” Rabin said with a deadly edge to his voice, and she had no doubt he meant that. “I will make him pay for every hateful thing he’s done.”

“I wouldn’t judge you.”

He stared at her as if trying to parse out the sincerity in those words. She didn’t know why she said it. Why would he care if she judged him? But she understood that raw need for vengeance.

“Thank you,” he said.

“For what?”

“For trying to distract me.”

“Did it work?”

“I’m always distracted by you, Zarya. I thought I made that clear.”

He gave her a heated look that had warmth crawling through her stomach and dryness coating her throat. He leaned back and chuckled.

“What are you laughing at?”