Page 126 of Fate of the Sun King

My limbs tremble as I stare at the door. My fingers completely numb and my lungs filled with cement.

“Lor?” I hear Nadir say, but he sounds too far away over the ringing in my ears and the black spots snowballing in my vision. White flashes burst in the corners of my eyes, and I stumble as vertigo tips me on my axis.

“I… can’t…” I clutch my heart as it ricochets against my ribs, but I’m breathing against a brick wall, the air solid as granite. Cold sweat drips down my back as my face burns like smoldering embers.

“Lor!” I feel his strong arms around me, catching me before I sink to the floor like an anchor fighting the tide, and then I break.

“It… was… him…” I wail as my body shakes and I claw at my face. “I want it gone! I want it gone! Take it away!”

My voice resonates against cold marble with the hollowness of a tomb.

“Take it away!” I scream so loud my voice cracks. “It wasn’t for them! It was him! Take it away!”

“Lor. It’s okay. We’ll get rid of it.” Nadir’s soothing voice is the gentle calm at the eye of my storm. “We’ll find someone who can take care of it.” He folds me into his arms, holding me tight, pressing my face to his chest. I’m shaking. I can’t stop shaking.

I fist the fabric of his tunic, clinging to him like I’m toppling down a landslide. I cry and cry, allowing myself to shed the tears I buried for twelve fucking years. He holds me, gently rubbing my head and my back as we rock in the sea of my wretchedness.

Slowly, my heartbeat settles, no longer threatening to rip out of my chest. I pull away with my hair sticking to my cheek, and Nadir sweeps it away with a gentle fingertip. A large dark spot of my tears stains the front of his tunic.

I wipe my nose with the back of my sleeve as I sniffle.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he says, tucking my hair behind my ear. “We’ll find someone to take care of it immediately.”

“Callias offered,” I say, my voice scraped raw and thin. “He said he could fix it during the Trials, but I wouldn’t let him because I’m a fucking idiot. I thought I was being… I don’t know—brave? Or strong? Trying to prove to those guards they couldn’t hurt me. But they were probably all laughing at me.”

“Lor, you are all of those things,” he says softly. “You are so brave and so strong. I meant what I said when I told you it was noble. It isn’t your fault that he did this, and your reasons for keeping it are yours. Don’t let him take that from you. It doesn’t change who you are or how fiercely you love your brother and sister.”

“Can we find a way to get a message to Callias?” I ask.

I’m falling and I need him to catch me. I have no doubt he’ll be waiting with open arms.

Nadir’s answer is a skeptical look. Sending a message to the palace isn’t the most prudent idea, but I need someone whom I trust with this. Whatever he sees in my face causes his expression to soften.

“Of course. We’ll figure something out. Okay?” He captures my chin between his finger and thumb.

I nod, pressing my lips together to stem another swell of tears balling up my throat.

“It’s okay if you need to cry,” he says so tenderly that a sob cracks from the center of my soul. I can’t believe this is the same man who tied me to the foot of his bed not that long ago. For some morbid reason, the reminder causes my sob to turn into a laugh.

“What?” he asks, clearly bewildered by my sudden mood swing.

“I was just thinking about the time you made me sleep on your floor.”

“Lor, I—”

I shake my head, snorting out another laugh as I fall apart.

“It’s okay. I’m not mad. Pissing each other off. It was our thing. Remember when Mael called it foreplay?”

The corner of his mouth tips up. “I barely slept that night. All I could feel was you.”

“That makes two of us,” I say, wiping my face and nose again. “Gods, I must be a mess.”

He shakes his head. “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

“I’m sure you say that to all your mates.” He smiles again.