Page 133 of Fate of the Sun King

He does it again, and I go on the offensive, countering with more control than I’ve had in years.

He stops and stares at me, breathing heavily, waiting for me to do my worst. So I take the lead, spearing lightning bolts from every direction as he fends them off. I’m not worried about hurting him. It’s obvious he still has far more control and power, so I keep going, giving him the full brunt of my strength.

I’ve always wanted to be the sort of woman who makes monsters kneel. Who brings down empires. Who holds the world in her hand. And for the first time in my life, it feels like it’s within my reach.

Finally, I stop, pulling everything back as the magic dissipates around me. Sweat runs down my temples, but I’m not done just yet. I fling out my hands, aiming for a spot high on a cliff. My shot clashes with the rock, falling just short of my intended target. I try again and again, shooting blasts around me as my aim slowly improves.

Nadir circles behind me, pointing at this spot or that spot as I aim over and over. My control is returning, though I never pushed my magic this way as a child. We didn’t have the freedom, worried about exposure, and my mother was too nervous to allow us to try anything more.

Finally, I stop. My body shakes with exertion, and sweat coats my back, plastering my tunic to my torso. The sun sits high, beating down on us with unrelenting heat.

Arms circle me from behind.

“You are fucking incredible,” Nadir says into my hair. “Beautiful. Fearless. Absolutely amazing.”

Suddenly, I have the overwhelming urge to cry. A sob builds in my throat, and I spin around, throwing my arms around his neck as I let go, weeping against his shoulder. He holds me, squeezing me tight, every once in a while kissing my neck or my cheek or my temple.

They feel like messages. Reminders that he’s here, a poem or a love letter written in the ashes.

I’m crying for everything. For everything we lost. For my parents. For my brother and sister. For everything I want to give them. For Nadir and his mother and Amya. For Mael and even for Gabriel. For everything I want to give Nadir too. I’ve been so entirely helpless for so very long, and finally, this one thing is almost within my control.

Eventually, my sobs taper off and I pull back. Nadir tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “Are you okay?” he asks, and I nod.

“I am. Zerra, all I do is cry lately.” He crooks up the corner of his mouth. “Thank you for allowing me to let go.”

He touches my cheek, peering at me with a look in his eyes that makes my heart twist.

“I want to be your safe place, Lor. No matter what happens, I will always be there for you.”

I nod, tears threatening again at the earnestness of his words.

“Me too,” I say. “I want to be that for you too. You’ve given me something I never thought I would have.”

Nadir gives me a troubled look.

“What is it?” I ask.

“You don’t know all of my darkest secrets,” he says. “Sometimes I’m afraid if you do, you’ll change your mind about me.”

I shake my head. “I could never do that.”

He hesitates.

“You don’t have to tell me now,” I say. “When you’re ready. But I hope that someday I can earn your trust.”

His hold on me tightens. “I trust you. With everything. It’s myself I don’t trust.”

I let out a sigh, understanding what he’s trying to say. I still have demons to share from my time in Nostraza that I’m not ready to give voice to yet. Not because of him but because of me.

“Okay,” I say. “I understand.”

He kisses me then, his lips brushing mine softly. Our mouths work together with gentle nips and touches. It’s tender but also deep.

When we pull away, a haze of lust clouds his eyes.

“It’s scorching out here. I think it’s time for that swim you mentioned.”

A mischievous smile creeps to his face as he drags me towards the stream where the waterfall topples from above.