Page 42 of Fate of the Sun King

Once we’re out of the city, he scoops me into his arms, and I can’t help how my entire body melts into his touch. Like this is where I’m meant to be, and this is the home where I will always return.

He looks down at me, and our gazes spark with a bright moment that leaves a hundred things left unsaid.

He’s trying to give me some space, and I have to respect him for trying so hard. I no longer believe that he’s trying to trick me or use me, at least not in the way I first thought, but I also refuse to get wrapped up in his territorial Fae bullshit.

I will not belong to him. I will never belong to anyone ever again.

We swoop over the treetops, his beautiful wings of colorful light beating against the wind, flying over the golden fields of Aphelion and the forests surrounding the place that should have been my home.

Eventually, we drop gently on the outskirts of Heart as Nadir sets me on my feet. From here, we’ll walk to the settlements. Our plan is to head for the largest, simply known as the “first,” partly to blend in and, more importantly, because this is where we’ll find the person who once knew my grandmother.

It breaks a part of me knowing the settlements were never fully named. They’re just numbers filled with people waiting on the edge of what? It’s hard not to worry about what they’re expecting and how I might let them all down spectacularly.

“How’s your mother?” I ask Nadir, partly to distract myself but also because I know he doesn’t like to be away from her for long. I feel terrible for taking him from her on this possibly futile quest. I know he has a way of passing messages with her caregivers so he can keep tabs on her welfare.

“She’s fine. The same,” he says, the lines around his eyes tight. “She’s taken care of and protected. My ice hounds are keeping her company.”

“I’m sorry this is keeping you away from her.”

He pins me with a fierce look. “Nothing would keep me away from this, Heart Queen. My mother doesn’t even know I’m there.”

He says the last part with such raw emotion that I reach out, grabbing his hand. He doesn’t hesitate to thread his fingers through mine, a warm trickle leaking into my heart that feels far too good. “That’s not true. She knows, and she appreciates it.”

He lets out a huff that tells me he wishes that were true, but he’s not holding his breath. I wish there were something I could do to ease her suffering. And his.

We continue walking in silence until the buildings of the first settlement come into view. They’re only a few stories high, and even from here, their state of disrepair is obvious. The closer we get, the worse it looks. Everything is so fragile, like a strong gust of wind could blow it all away.

We join a line of people traveling from other settlements and other realms moving into the city. I’ve learned that Heart was once the center of healing and medicine in Ouranos, thanks to the magic that allowed the Fae to manipulate the body from within. I flex my hand, remembering when I was younger and could heal small cuts and wounds. It’s another reason I need my magic back so desperately. What I wouldn’t give to be able to help others in times of need.

Even if the actual magic of Heart is gone, a legacy of healing still subsists. People come from far and wide to purchase the potions and remedies made by what were once some of Heart’s most gifted practitioners. I rub my chest as my magic bounces around inside me, hoping that what Nadir said about accessing it within the borders of Heart is true.

A few dilapidated inns line the main street, and we find one that looks marginally less run-down than the others. Of course there are only two rooms left for tonight, so we take one, leaving the other for Tristan and Mael.

We could wander around seeking another inn, but we’re on a deadline and have things to accomplish. The room is comfortable enough, though the bed is much smaller than I would like. We both look at it and then at each other, the moment stretching into awkwardness. Maybe I can bunk with Tristan instead.

We should discuss that night in Heart, but I don’t know what I’d say.

That I think about it constantly? That I regret what I said and did? But also that I know it was the right decision to make?

That despite what my mouth and the rational side of my brain say, I want to throw all my reservations away and just sink into this? Sink into him? While it’s impossible to ignore my physical attraction, what I feel has become about so much more. I’ve spent the last twelve years pushing everyone away, save Willow and Tristan, and for the first time, I’m confronted with another person I want to add to the collection of jewels I store in my heart.

But…

There are just so many “buts.”

I clear my throat and then drop my bag in a corner. We’ll deal with the issue of the bed later. My fallback strategy when it comes to dealing with Nadir has become avoidance and a good dose of burying my head in the sand. It isn’t a mature response, but I never claimed to be reasonable about anything.

“So, what now?”

“Let’s go find Etienne,” Nadir says, holding open the door. We head through the inn, passing through the common room, where about a dozen people dine on platters of food and drinks. There appears to be no distinction between humans, low fae, and High Fae, everyone mingling without artificial barriers.

When we step outside, I ask Nadir, “Do you know what it was like when Heart existed? How did my ancestors treat the low fae?”

“Not as poorly as Atlas or my father, if that’s what you’re asking,” he says. “But they were mostly confined to positions of service, many of them inside the castle as far as I know.”

I consider that, wondering again what kind of person my grandmother was. Was she a good Fae? Would she have been a kind and fair ruler? Was everything that happened a mistake or the result of greed? They say she craved power, but at what cost?

“And now? Here?” I ask as we continue walking.