Page 5 of Storm of Ink and Blood

After he was gone, she sank to the floor, threading her legs through the railings. She liked the sensation of dangling over a precipice, the world spinning below her. Ishaan sat inland, far from the sea, and she missed the feel of the ocean breeze and watching the water stretch for miles, where she could imagine an entire universe waiting on the other side.

“So you blue-balled Ajay again, I see?”

Zarya turned and snorted. Yasen leaned against the doorway, his arms crossed and a dark grey eyebrow lifted.

“Shut up.”

He sat down, allowing his long legs to dangle between the bars beside hers. “Come on. I think you’d look good together.”

She sighed and pressed her forehead to a bar.

“Maybe. I just can’t seem to let go…”

“I don’t really get it,” Yasen said. “You’ve been with other men. You seem to be enjoying yourself. Why not Ajay?”

“Those men don’t mean anything. It’s just fun. It’s just sex. Until I have Rabin out of my system, it wouldn’t be fair.”

He nodded. “I think I get that. So why can’t you let go?”

“I don’t know. Part of me wants to hear him out and hopes that he didn’t deceive me with ill intentions. But every time I think about it, I just remember how I was lied to my entire life. And he knew that, and he did it anyway. I thought he was a clean slate, but he was just like all of them. It’s over, and that’s for the best.”

“But?” he asked, sensing the hesitation in her voice.

“I miss him so much. What I felt for him… I don’t know; it’s not like anything I can describe. I think about him all the time, and I’m not sure what to do.”

Yasen nodded. “So, why are we here, then? Why are you here? Go and find him.”

She ran her tongue over her top teeth as she stared ahead. “I don’t know where he is. I fear he went back to Raja Abishek after I left Daragaab. I never got the sense that he wanted to remain in Dharati. And I’m not sure it’s safe for me. How loyal is he really to my father?”

“Rabin wouldn’t let anything happen to you. You know that.”

She tipped her face towards him. “What makes you so sure he could stop him?”

Yasen shrugged, taking a sip of his drink, the ice clinking softly in his glass. “Can’t you call up one of those dream things and talk to him?”

“If only it worked like that,” Zarya said. “I’ve never known how to control them. And maybe that’s also for the best. Maybe this ache inside me will go away with enough time and distance.”

The truth was that Zarya had gone to sleep every night for the past three months, hoping to enter the dream forest. Every morning, she woke up more and more dejected, wondering if she’d ever see him again or if whatever the gods had once planned for Zarya and Rabin was no longer in their sights.

All those speculations about him being her paramadhar had clearly been pointless.

“Do you forgive him?” Yasen asked.

Zarya chewed on her bottom lip and thought hard about her answer. “I don’t. I’m still angry. And though I owe him nothing, I also kind of want to see him and give him the chance to explain.” She let out a huff of air. “Maybe things were easier when I lived in Row’s cottage.”

“Sure, except I’m pretty sure you would have killed both Row and Aarav by now,” Yasen said with a smirk.

“You’re probably right,” Zarya replied, laughing.

She thought often about Aarav and the sacrifice he’d made. He’d left a hole in her heart she hadn’t expected. As for Row, they wrote to each other often, and she filled him in on what they’d been doing since arriving in Gi’ana. While he warned her to be cautious, he also agreed with the cause they were fighting.

“So, what are you planning to do?” Yasen asked.

“I don’t know,” Zarya replied. “Pretend I’m okay and distract myself with everything else?”

Yasen’s laugh was low and dark. “Oh, Zee, how you’ve grown since I rescued you from the swamp.”

“You didn’t rescue me. How dare you?”